Pencil sharpeners, artichokes, and spouse's boyfriend.
I bought a pencil sharpener finally. I didn’t pay attention to how it was supposed to be attached though. It turns out that this particular model has to be screwed onto something permanently. Any excuse to pull out my Craftsman 18-volt drill is good enough for me. That pencil sharpener is fastened securely, let me tell you.
My son however, decided that he needed to sharpen every single pencil he could find. I just knew I should have waited to buy a more expensive sharpener but my grocery store had one and I hate to shop, I figured this would save me a trip. Anyway, he grossly disfigured several pencils before I stepped in to show him that indeed, it was better to turn the handle clockwise as opposed to counter clockwise. Figures, I installed it (very securely mind you) perfectly for a family of left handed people. Of which, we are not.
Dinner at our house can be very... well how should I put this? I’ll just tell you what we ate tonight, you can draw your own conclusions from here. I had sausage balls and a beer at my parent’s house after my soccer game.
I then proceeded to fix a toasted turkey and cheese sandwich (with ketchup) for my weirdo son. My daughters had boiled artichoke with lemon butter sauce. Normally I try to make more of a meal even if it is different for each child. Since we had breakfast so late and they had snacks for the rest of the day I decided this was okay. At least two of my children appreciate artichoke although I doubt they’ll be as well rounded as me anytime soon, adding them to pizza and pasta. Still, I have two out of three children who get all giddy at the thought of a boiled green vegetable. That is parental success anyway you put it.
To finish off the night, my oldest and I struggled to revamp a past elementary science project into a middle school science project that happens to be due tomorrow. Loads of fun, I’m sure you know. All the while I was attempting to instill a sense of incentive and responsibility on my younger childre by announcing they would start getting weekly allowances if their room stayed clean. It was a total and complete disaster with me in the end paying out 60% to one of them for a decent effort. This was prior to her and I competing in a yelling match over her choice of using the hallway for a storage area. Apparently it was fair game in her opinion but I disagreed. She ended up being the only one getting paid though since my son feigned a head injury and never really cleaned up a thing. He better hope his good looks and charm continue to hold up for him once he is on his own, it won’t last much longer for me.
As I was about to press “Publish” the phone rang. It’s late and it’s my wife. Oh good, she is just calling to see how things are. No, wait. Her boyfriend(?) is apparently upset and threatening to call me to verify certain events. WTF? I don’t usually cuss here but when she clicked me back on from call waiting she also mentioned that his ex-wife is saying that I’ve been talking to her. I just ran into her at McDonalds and then waved to her at the grocery store. It was awkward, nothing else. For one, why is this guy willing to contact me to verify her activities? Two, why do I put up with any of this?
I just got off a call from him and then a follow up call from my wife. It’s complicated. Then again it’s not. Either way it’s a big deal to them and I hung up the phone with both peacefully and with them knowing that they can call me if they need to talk. I am such a freak. Now I’m also counseling my wife that I’m divorcing and her soon to be ex-boyfriend.
I hope everyone had a good weekend.
Fej
My son however, decided that he needed to sharpen every single pencil he could find. I just knew I should have waited to buy a more expensive sharpener but my grocery store had one and I hate to shop, I figured this would save me a trip. Anyway, he grossly disfigured several pencils before I stepped in to show him that indeed, it was better to turn the handle clockwise as opposed to counter clockwise. Figures, I installed it (very securely mind you) perfectly for a family of left handed people. Of which, we are not.
Dinner at our house can be very... well how should I put this? I’ll just tell you what we ate tonight, you can draw your own conclusions from here. I had sausage balls and a beer at my parent’s house after my soccer game.
I then proceeded to fix a toasted turkey and cheese sandwich (with ketchup) for my weirdo son. My daughters had boiled artichoke with lemon butter sauce. Normally I try to make more of a meal even if it is different for each child. Since we had breakfast so late and they had snacks for the rest of the day I decided this was okay. At least two of my children appreciate artichoke although I doubt they’ll be as well rounded as me anytime soon, adding them to pizza and pasta. Still, I have two out of three children who get all giddy at the thought of a boiled green vegetable. That is parental success anyway you put it.
To finish off the night, my oldest and I struggled to revamp a past elementary science project into a middle school science project that happens to be due tomorrow. Loads of fun, I’m sure you know. All the while I was attempting to instill a sense of incentive and responsibility on my younger childre by announcing they would start getting weekly allowances if their room stayed clean. It was a total and complete disaster with me in the end paying out 60% to one of them for a decent effort. This was prior to her and I competing in a yelling match over her choice of using the hallway for a storage area. Apparently it was fair game in her opinion but I disagreed. She ended up being the only one getting paid though since my son feigned a head injury and never really cleaned up a thing. He better hope his good looks and charm continue to hold up for him once he is on his own, it won’t last much longer for me.
As I was about to press “Publish” the phone rang. It’s late and it’s my wife. Oh good, she is just calling to see how things are. No, wait. Her boyfriend(?) is apparently upset and threatening to call me to verify certain events. WTF? I don’t usually cuss here but when she clicked me back on from call waiting she also mentioned that his ex-wife is saying that I’ve been talking to her. I just ran into her at McDonalds and then waved to her at the grocery store. It was awkward, nothing else. For one, why is this guy willing to contact me to verify her activities? Two, why do I put up with any of this?
I just got off a call from him and then a follow up call from my wife. It’s complicated. Then again it’s not. Either way it’s a big deal to them and I hung up the phone with both peacefully and with them knowing that they can call me if they need to talk. I am such a freak. Now I’m also counseling my wife that I’m divorcing and her soon to be ex-boyfriend.
I hope everyone had a good weekend.
Fej
posted by Fej at 1:24 AM
3 Comments:
bloody hell - ok, if there were a competition out there for complicated break ups - i'm thinking you stand a fair chance of winning.
and you actually make several different meals?
Sheesh! do your kids realise how spoiled they are? It was always a 'get what you're given' in our house - and we didn't get an allowance for cleaning our rooms, we got punished if we didn't clean 'em. grounded, no tea etc etc.
*sniff*
fancy adopting a little 'un? I LOVE veg.
Since you seem to be in a cooking mood, I thought I would leave you a "holiday" candy recipe from Alton Brown (if you don't know who that is, watch the Food Network's programme Good Eats). I think it'll tickle your sweet tooth and keep you up on the cool dad cred (although it seems that your kids know that). Also, you may want to ditribute with care, as its effects can be of the jumping on couch, running like a banshee kind.
Two 11 ounce bags of white chocolate chips (I like Ghirardelli but that’s just me. And yes I know that there’s not really any such thing as white chocolate…it’s “white confectioner’s coating” but come on…who doesn’t really just call it white chocolate?)
3.5 Cups Cheerios
3 Cups Rice Chex (small box)
3 Cups Corn Chex (ditto)
1 Pound plain M&Ms
2.5 Cups mixed nuts (salted, no peanuts)
2 Cups small pretzels (Eagle Snacks work well)
Get a really big metal bowl and place it over a large sauce pan/pot containing about an inch of water. Put this over medium heat.
Dump in the chips in the bowl and stir with a rubber spatula (every now and then) until they’ve melted smooth. You can walk away from time to time but be careful not to let the water get to hot or the cocoa butter will bog.
Dump everything else in the bowl and fold over and over until the hunks and chunks are well coated.
Spread the mess out on parchment paper or freezer paper and set in a cool place until it sets solid, then break it into pieces and seal in tins.
Dole this stuff out carefully. It is highly habit forming.
Vics - If you promise to keep your room clean and don't complain about what I fix for dinner, you're in.
Pensive Ro - Thanks for the recipe, that sounds like something they all might actually eat.
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