My job.

After all these years and reoccurring desires to quit or veiled threats of wanting to be laid off, I think I’m finally at the point where I truly want to leave my job. Job security has been a complete unknown for the last 6 years or so. If I could give you any idea of where this company was going, that would be insider information and I don’t want to go to jail. Martha might get six months or so, but I’m sure they put me away for much longer than that. Despite having no idea how much longer I’d be employed at this place, I’ve always put forth extra effort, sacrificed home and family and been the model employee. I don’t mean to say that none of this has been rewarded. I’ve gone far and the experience I’ve gained should help me wherever I go.

Who the heck knows what’s going to happen though? That’s the real kicker. Five years ago I was telling people that I only had a year or two left and now those people are gone, but I’m still there. Last year I was sure that I was a goner and one person leaves and all of a sudden I’m back in the middle of things. That can also translate to going to China 3 times in 6 months. That kind of job security is pushing me to find another job that doesn’t require these kind of trips.

Most of all, the security of the place that has swallowed a third of my life is also possibly holding me down. I have never really desired to go down the path I’m going. Engineering is exciting, stimulating, and something that I don’t suck at. However, I don’t think I could retire and say, “this is exactly what I wanted to do with my life”, and be content with it.

This is probably all just a bunch of BS though, they will want me to go to China soon and I’ll put on the company hat and say “sure”. I hate that.

Fej.