Update

Dear Bloggers and friends, it’s been a long time. 

My last post was in September of 2008. That would be about 6 months after meeting my girlfriend at the time. However, I really hadn’t been actively blogging since late 2006. 

It’s now June of 2024, twenty years since I started my blog. Holy crap. A few minor things have changed. 

My kids are not kids anymore, well, to them anyway. To me they are still my kids. How and the heck do I ever separate the fact that my grown ass kids are now adults?! My oldest has a master’s degree, the next daughter is starting school late but probably better mentally prepared for it than I ever was, and my son… is following in my own steps I likely would have followed myself, had I not had kids at a very early age. He is working in the auto industry and it’s way too early to tell where he will end up. However, with him and his sisters, they seem to have no limit for potential anyway. 

My STBE was eventually an actual ex, that happened on February 29th of 2008 officially. Somewhat ironic in that the anniversary of that only comes up every four years.

My girlfriend and I bought a fixer-upper house in the school district where I had been dragging my kids to school for years. It saved so much time. My kids made friends from school in their own neighborhood, it was kind of amazing. The house however, was a fixer, our realtor and family friend tried to talk us out of buying the house, but we ignored them. With a lot of work, it turned out to be a good decision on our part. We transformed the house and more importantly my kids had a stable home, near school that they could rely on despite my ex’s wild tendencies that were only getting worse. 

I got a new job sort of, another company from California bought our startup’s assets and offered a whole six of us jobs. I was one of them, despite my lack of educational background. It was the fall of 2009 and jobs in tech were almost non-existent. I had no other choice and my colleagues that were better educated than me struggled to find new jobs. Some changed fields entirely. I got a big raise. 

The six of us immediately traveled to California, China, and me to Italy within the first two months. They said we would be traveling so much that it didn’t matter where we lived so didn’t offer us any relocation packages. Which was fine, there was no way I could possibly move to Silicon Valley and afford to buy a house there despite a damn good raise. The travel over the next seven years however was crazy. I spent over a year in Italy, went to Germany who knows how many times, China, Korea, Taiwan, Switzerland etc. At one point I was at the top status level on two different airlines and all along my new ‘girlfriend’ helped to take care of things at home, with the help of my parents and occasionally my ex. But the chaos my ex brought to the table always outweighed the help. 

Almost twenty years to catch up on. Let me fast forward a bit from here. 

• The years of extensive travel were a huge burden but an occasional bonus when I could bring my girlfriend along. 

• I missed my kids terribly all the time, calling them from various continents hardly made up from being there like I used to be…

 • My salary has more than tripled since I last posted, for a polysci major, I’ve somehow done well in engineering. 

• What should be a post of its own is my proposal to my girlfriend while in Italy, I thought she was expecting it, scrambled to buy what turned out to be an antique ring, she wasn’t expecting it and it all turned out freaking fantastic. 

 • We eventually got married seven years later, also an absolute cluster truck lol. But beautiful and sad all in its own wonderful way. We wrote our own vows, it was nice. 

• I fought moving to CA but eventually lost that struggle but managed to hold off until my youngest graduated from high school. 

 • I built up a ton of miles on various airlines and was able to take my family on trips to Canada, Europe and more. 

 • My ex was spiraling the whole time between potentially great boyfriends and then worse. This requires an entire book, something I haven’t given up on the idea of yet. o Obviously, I like to write so… 

• But some of the crap that happened over the last nearly twenty years is not so funny.

I've got more, if anyone is interested...

Fej

So, I’m living in a million-dollar home in California, my wife works from home but it’s a relatively easy job that brings in some extra income.  Somehow, I have become a high-income individual.  Yet a million-dollar home near Silicon Valley however is not high income.  We bought another fixer upper; it needs major work, and we are busy every free moment.  It’s funny what you think success looks like at when you are younger.  Don’t let me fool you though, I have been successful and it’s not at all pulling myself up by my bootstraps.  I’ll tolerate none of that talk, I was a hard worker, but I had little choice given my poor decisions when it came to birth control, understanding how student loans work, and trying to support a young family.  I had tremendous help from family, friends, and my wife along the way.  Had I made better decisions earlier in life, I might be fantastically wealthy in hindsight.  But no, definitely no.

Why am I updating in the first place?  I don’t blog anymore, but I am still writing.  We will see if any of that ever goes anywhere.  I’m updating because I have found my blog again and it’s been a whirlwind experience of reading about my old life.  I’m fifty-one now, the guy who wrote Fej’s blog was barely past thirty.  That poor fellow had no idea what a mess he was in.  But reading it all again now… brought it all back.  That was a tough time, I wish it on no one, I also know that others go through so much worse, but it was tough for me.  Definitely for my kids. 

To the main point though, it all was really tough on my ex-wife.  The mother of my kids was struggling the entire time.  Probably what frustrated many of my blog readers and commenters was that I simply didn’t divorce her and get her out of my life...  I love all of you, you were so helpful through that difficult time.  Having a community like you was priceless.  But my ex was a complicated case.  She caused the most difficult trials between my new girlfriend/wife as well, she made it hard for everyone.  She didn’t tread lightly.  Ever.

My wife’s nephew’s mother passed away in 2015, she and I went to Chicago to attend the funeral.  I have since become a very good friend with my nephew, we hike together every year, he officiated our wedding, he is more than family now.  His mother had mental issues, he and his brother had a very complicated childhood and struggled with their relationship with their mom.  They had even intimated to me that it was possible their mom had taken her own life.  But that complicates so many things… and they had no idea to be sure.   But on the return flight home, after I had already decided to tell my kids that they too would have to deal with a situation of this sort in the distant future, I turned my phone on as the wheels of the plane hit the ground.  Seconds later my phone was ringing, it was my oldest daughter’s boyfriend asking why we weren’t answering the phone.  The plane was likely still traveling at above highway speeds, I was dumbstruck when he said that my ex was dead.

She had called me for money just two weeks before, I had lied to my new wife that I wasn’t helping her, but I had been.  Not much that she didn’t know about, but that last one stuck with me.  She had been crying, of course, but sounded like the twenty-something year old I knew so well years ago.  She was sad, wanted her life to be different, but was lost and needed help.  I think I transferred $200 or something like that and despite wanting to be off the phone minutes ago I tried to reassure her that she should try to get help.  She told me that she was there to do exactly that. 

She apparently had more than one fentanyl patch one her body than she should have, plus many other drugs in her system.  The stuff we all worried about became a reality overnight.  It was described to us as an unintentional overdose, not because she had taken too much that night, but she had taken too much for too long.  Likely she didn’t mean to take on a second patch and whatever else she took but probably had little idea of what she was doing.  I probably knew her better than anyone else ever did, and I know she didn’t kill herself on purpose.  She would threaten that but never would have consciously followed through with it.  Well, to be specific, she would have announced it loudly.  She never would have died at a woman’s recovery home two hundred miles from her children, without guilting them about it first.  That’s a horrible thing to say, but it’s what makes me so confident she didn’t consciously kill herself. 

Yo

Wow. It's probably been the longest I've ever gone between postings. There is no way to catch you up without going into major detail. It's been over a year and I used to fill pages just with daily events. How about this:

I'm legally divorced. This alone should be worth pages by itself. Applause if nothing else.

I am in a relationship with a new woman. Again, pages... and applause!

Crazy crap with my ex. Old news, I know.

Work, money, life... yada yada.


Ok, so now that I'm not much of a blogger I just occasionally remember about this blog even being here and just check in every year or so... and today I posted. Lucky for you huh?

Fej

Howdy

Been kinda busy since March... Didn't really mean to take so long I guess. I think this place has pretty much just become somewhere for me to type something up on occasion. I still don't see me getting back to regular blogging anytime soon, but who knows.

Trying to summerize what's happened in the last 4 months would be futile. Here are some highlights though:

Still not divorced. I probably never will be at this point. Anyone ever heard of a common law "divorce" by chance?

Still looking for someone, despite quite a number of dates. Internet dating, while it produces dates doesn't seem likely to produce someone I'm really interested in. I've become totally infatuated with a woman I could never actually be with though. I've been totally stressed out and distracted by this very complicated woman for nearly a year now. That's gotta count for something... naw, just kind of pitiful.

Oh well, just thought I'd stop by. You know, semi-annually or something like that.

Late,

Fej

almost said no

You know, what bugs me is that I almost didn’t do it. I was sooo tired, sore, and I just really wanted to sit down. It had been a long day, my weekend was mostly wasted already having spent a chunk of it at work and on the phone with people there. The time I did have I spent working on my yard and other heavily neglected projects around the house. That stupid roto-tiller I rented just about killed me until I remembered how to let the dang machine do the work. Even after that it’s not exactly like running a lawn mower, actually not even close. Muscles I’ve apparently never used are still hurting as I type.

I just didn’t feel like it. They were having fun all by themselves, why did they need me to jump in? Friday night was spent on the phone and answering pages in the middle of the night. Saturday morning came unusually fast despite Friday night being the shortest of the week… and just knowing I’d have to go in to work again on Sunday night just killed my desire to do anything else that day. I didn’t have the heart to get after them for destroying the living room even further and asking them to do the “weekend clean up” just didn’t seem appropriate right before spring break. Well their spring break anyway. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to get Friday off like I want to...

All three of them were practically begging. My son was torn between being able to jump off the roof and just getting me to jump with them. What was I thinking anyway? How many 14 year old girls still want their dad to jump on the trampoline with them? Duh? All I could think about was how much work I had to do; at home, at work, with my ex, and how I wished my patio was done already so I could relax even more comfortably than I already was in my old decrepit lawn furniture.

I got up to tell them no, I was too tired and that jumping off the roof was too dangerous and I was stupid for even letting them do it once. And instead I found myself pulling off my shoes and wondering if I’d hurt my back by jumping with them. Then after a good 20 minutes of total chaos on nylon suspended by springs over a metal frame we all collapsed. I had farted and we all fell to avoid the stench and could hardly stand up because we were laughing so hard. We had jumped long enough where even my kids were a little tired. We just lay there and talked and laughed a little more. The weather was perfect, they were happy, I was happy and I wondered… how I almost said no.

Fej

Hey.

So. I’ve been gone a while. And yet still some of you stop by and even drop a comment or two. I still appreciate it. And on nights like tonight I hope that you’ll stop by again.

Not that I’ll be checking out the blog-o-sphere much anytime soon but it’s nice to be able to vent and hear some feedback on things going on in my life.

I’ve been working some ridiculous hours recently. Hours that make me rue the day I became salaried… I had my last phone call from manufacturing at somewhere around 1:00 AM last night. But it’s still a good busy if you can believe that. Really, it is.

It’s the other stuff that still throws me into a spin every now and then. That still includes this girl I’ve mentioned before. I’m still not ready to discuss or for that matter am I even sure about what I know about the “complexities” of our friendship. I think the latter is pretty well firmed up, we get along just fine. I’m of course leaving out a bunch of details. How long would this post be if I explained the last two months I’ve been away? Really, really, long. Trust me.

Let’s just say that some opportunities have opened up for me recently. Some online (yes, I couldn’t resist the online dating stuff forever), some at work, and some old friends. But I can’t even get excited about these opportunities. Not until I can shake her from my mind. And it seems like, that's not going to happen any time soon.

Well, while you might walk away from this post a little curious, a little confused, or just down right frustrated that you made it to this point without any real information at all, I do feel better.

For me, it’s all about unloading the stuff you carry around every day. At least once in a while.

Thanks,

Jeff

Oh yeah...

And I have a sense of smell again. Maybe I never made it clear, maybe I never realized it was that bad, but I have a sense of smell again.

Not all smells are good mind you, I had to have my vehicle's upholstery cleaned recently, and I've become aware of things in my home that need attention...

But in all it's been fabulous. Today there was a construction project in the nearby offices that requires some horrid glue product and while everyone else was complaining about it, I ran out into the hall and inhaled it all in. While that may not have been so healthy it was wonderful that I could smell it at all. And I complained (happily) then with everyone else.

And then there are you women out there... holy crow, while I figured your beauty was sufficient I had forgotten about your aroma. I was kind of hoping you'd make things easier though, not more complicated...

Jeff

Never dull here.

Hey all.

Not that all that many of you are still dropping by but I’m not reading anybody’s blogs either. Ironic as it is, my life is at one of its most interesting points but I’m only driven to write about it every so often. And half of those don’t make it past MS Word on my PC…

But tonight, I think this one may make it out there. And maybe a few of you will happen across it.

I’m having a hard time summing it all up but how about this: I’m still loving my new job. It’s been the best change I’ve made in years. I was feeling down the other night, thinking that my chances of getting “back out there” again were slim and then I remembered the past year…

I have had two official “dates”, one or two unofficial “I’ll hook you up” kind of dates, and after this silent summer of events many more occasions of note that should make me stop feeling down.

Hell, I didn’t have this kind of action going on in high school and I’m not even legally available now. I think that’s a good sign. So, I’ve renewed my efforts to get things legally finished. It’s going to be rough for a variety of reasons even though things are clearly separated and established, the legal system doesn’t see things as clearly as many of us do here in reality.

I’m off for the weekend and then some to see a cousin of mine get married. That should be a good reminder and incentive for me to get things finished and then started again. It's a plan anyway.


Jeff

Hello.

I went through with my nasal surgery after all. I could have had legitimate excuses and easily justified pushing it out a few weeks more. But I didn’t. It wasn’t any fun. Not even a little bit. I can’t say I’ve been in all that much pain, discomfort yes, and well let’s just leave it at I experienced one of the most disgusting things in my life just a couple days ago. But I returned to work just 3 days later. It will be another week or so before I really know if it has helped much. My fingers are crossed…

I spent a weekend in Chicago recently with the very woman that I was infatuated with some years ago. The trip itself was business related but the stay through the weekend was a prime example of ironic and unexpected fortunate circumstances. I don’t know what that means but it sounds right. I didn’t expect to go, I wanted very much to go, I fully expected not to go, and more importantly than the former, I didn’t expect her to ask me to stay through the weekend.

No, none of that sort of stuff happened. It was just a really fun weekend with someone that I think I get along really well with. I feel pretty comfortable saying she feels the same way. I know, so why aren’t we moving forward with things? We’ve been hanging out since then even more. It’s complicated. Those of you who have been around here awhile should know that few things come into my life without complications. She is a welcome complication. And one that might not ever be more than just a friend. I’m just going to leave it at that.

Oh, and just incase you think I’ve had a lack of crazy recently: My ex’s ex boyfriend finally got out of jail, has been in contact with me to get his stuff back (because she has a restraining order against him) and the one day and time we finally can meet, who is with me? Yes, this woman. I had already informed her that I had crazy in my life. After a few questions about why he went to jail she was okay being in the car while I met with him. It went fine.

Sometimes I think that if my life were simple, I wouldn’t enjoy it as much as I do. But I still wonder…

Jeff

Hoo boy, it’s been a while. But what the heck I’ll throw something out there.

I’m thinking that since it’s been so long its best I don’t try to fill in all the details. I’ll just tell you what’s going on and if you need me to fill in the gaps I’ll try to get to it in a slightly better response time than the weeks it’s taken me to this point.

Another vehicle was totaled by my ex.

The new dog is sadly working out well for my old dog, which means I have one less excuse to get rid of the new dog.

I’m still totally enthralled with the stupid (growing) turtle.

I assisted in getting a woman that I was totally infatuated with years ago hired at my new job. And of course she is even more beautiful than she was 5 years ago and then some. Sigh.

I’m sitting on the couch tonight using a personal massager on myself. Because I tore the holy crap out of my right legs quadriceps about a month ago and I’m still out of commission. And you thought I was going somewhere else with that didn’t you?

A wind storm blew down two light poles, tore up my trampoline and left me without power for a whole 4 hours or so the other night. Guys don’t keep candles around the house. I was lucky they turned it back on before my flashlight died.

I bought a new bicycle and might start riding to work a few days a week. Assuming this massager thingy helps break down the scar tissue…

I’m scheduled to have endoscopic nasal surgery to repair a deviated septum, polyps, enlarged thingymajigs, etc. The bottom line is that people have been saying for years that I’m full of shit but apparently it’s all in my head.

There is more but this is all I got right now.

Thanks for stopping by.

Jeff

Need to talk...

Hey. It was one of those weeks. One of those nights. Whatever, you know, just one of those times when you need someone to talk to. Or more specifically to the point; when I need someone to listen to me.

My dippy dogs don’t cut it. They are more concerned with what I’m snacking on. I’ve been working some rather ridiculous hours. I literally congratulated myself the other night on making it home by 7:00 PM. Then I realized that I had gone to work at 7:00 AM that morning and I was only excited by the fact that the sun was still up. Stupid daylight savings…

I went on another date. While it won’t go anywhere, apparently I’m datable and I’m not going to throw myself head over heels at the first or second pretty woman that happens by my way. I was kind of worried about that.

My ex called tonight and it was obvious after 10 minutes or so that she was trying to keep me on the phone and she had bigger issues to talk about. She definitely did. Have bigger issues I mean. Let’s just say that my past suspicions were on target more than I’d have liked. She’s still alive and our kids have a mom. That’s why I did everything the way I did I guess. I’m not going to go into specifics but lets just say that if I ever get nominated for a Supreme Court position, be sure to tune into C-SPAN. It ought to be some good programming.

Then I reassured her, at her request, that there was no chance we could be together again. The words came relatively easy for me but hearing her reaction was somewhat unsettling.

The direction of things haven’t changed. I suppose its just grasping reality in the face of unwanted change. Who the hell enjoys that?

Jeff

All right, here goes. Germany was nice. It was a rather quick trip but I had a lot of time to myself too. The business part was rather brief but successful. Then I found that having a hotel room to myself was no longer the relief it used to be. When at home, I have a whole house to myself. I don’t need that sort of get away anymore. I’m not the sort of person who can just stay indoors though, so I spent a lot of time walking around Munich.

They have good beer of course. And while the weather wasn’t fabulous it wasn’t snowing like the week before and the rain was mild. Munich is a city where it would be nice to have someone to enjoy it with. I don’t mean from work either…

Everything else is normal. Despite my big talk about no more animals, I might have another creature joining my household. If my ex-mother-in-law gets another animal I will call the humane society and report her for abuse. She doesn’t abuse them, she just neglects them once they are no longer cute. I have a chi-poo staying with us this weekend, a Chihuahua/toy poodle breed that is actually a rather nice dog. However it is still another animal. The turtle is still too much and now another one. If he can keep my other dog from going insane while I’m gone during the day… he might have a new home. We’ll see.

There is more. An odd combination of extraordinary luck and a painful reminder of things of the past. This will get worked out this week though, and it might involve me making someone very unhappy. Not very typical of me but I’m not the same person anymore either. Don’t ask, I just had to say this much at least.

Jeff