Car Rides With My Kids
My kids and I are driving across town to see a friend of mine. We end up behind the same car we followed for a way yesterday, on a totally different road, in a metro area of 700K +. Weird. And unrelated. Anyhow, my younger daughter asks, “Why did you and mom decide to get divorced?”
One of those left field type questions that can really catch you off guard. But not this time. It worked out very well. “Well, I think after all those years we finally realized that we were both very different people.”
They all ponder this briefly. She asks, “You mean like because mom likes shoes and you don’t?”
“No, no. That’s not what I mean. We have very different personalities and it took a long time but eventually we realized that it wasn’t going to work out. We are still good friends, it’s just that we can’t be married anymore.”
Silence. Then my oldest and wiser pipes in, “But after 12 years, what went wrong?”
Uh… I could really use a traffic accident or falling meteor or something right about now. No such luck. “I think a big part of the problem was that we didn’t wait long enough before we got married.”
Will she catch on here? We were married two months prior to her birth, it’s just a matter of time before she does the math. “We were too young and hadn’t really had a chance to grow up. Even when you are an adult, you need time to be yourself, finish growing up.”
I lost them at that point. I was reaching. I had obviously gone way over the heads of my little ones. My youngest daughter asks, “What do you mean dad, about being different?”
“Well, for example: If we decide to go on vacation, I like to go to the mountains, hiking and camping and stuff. Your mom likes the cabin but she really doesn’t like the ‘outdoors’ so to speak.”
They seem to understand this one, then my least helpful oldest daughter asks, “What about Hawaii?”
I stumble a little… “Well, we haven’t been there and I suppose I’d like to go there too…”
Think Jeffrey, think. “Well, if we went to Hawaii, your mom would want to spend all of her time at the beach and at the pool. I would rather see the island and explore a little.”
My oldest, “You’d like to visit a volcano, huh?”
“Yes, I would love to do that and I doubt your mother would be very interested in that sort of thing.”
Egad, we finally got off the subject. Phew, I made it. We were able to discuss this big issue that’s been floating around for the last 2 + years and they seem to understand. They know and understand that their parents are getting divorced. Really. This is huge.
Then, my son, the youngest, very honestly asks, “(to his older sister) Did you say whiz in a volcano?”
A car full of laughter ensued. And yes, I had to explain what might happen if one whizzed in a volcano...
Jeff
One of those left field type questions that can really catch you off guard. But not this time. It worked out very well. “Well, I think after all those years we finally realized that we were both very different people.”
They all ponder this briefly. She asks, “You mean like because mom likes shoes and you don’t?”
“No, no. That’s not what I mean. We have very different personalities and it took a long time but eventually we realized that it wasn’t going to work out. We are still good friends, it’s just that we can’t be married anymore.”
Silence. Then my oldest and wiser pipes in, “But after 12 years, what went wrong?”
Uh… I could really use a traffic accident or falling meteor or something right about now. No such luck. “I think a big part of the problem was that we didn’t wait long enough before we got married.”
Will she catch on here? We were married two months prior to her birth, it’s just a matter of time before she does the math. “We were too young and hadn’t really had a chance to grow up. Even when you are an adult, you need time to be yourself, finish growing up.”
I lost them at that point. I was reaching. I had obviously gone way over the heads of my little ones. My youngest daughter asks, “What do you mean dad, about being different?”
“Well, for example: If we decide to go on vacation, I like to go to the mountains, hiking and camping and stuff. Your mom likes the cabin but she really doesn’t like the ‘outdoors’ so to speak.”
They seem to understand this one, then my least helpful oldest daughter asks, “What about Hawaii?”
I stumble a little… “Well, we haven’t been there and I suppose I’d like to go there too…”
Think Jeffrey, think. “Well, if we went to Hawaii, your mom would want to spend all of her time at the beach and at the pool. I would rather see the island and explore a little.”
My oldest, “You’d like to visit a volcano, huh?”
“Yes, I would love to do that and I doubt your mother would be very interested in that sort of thing.”
Egad, we finally got off the subject. Phew, I made it. We were able to discuss this big issue that’s been floating around for the last 2 + years and they seem to understand. They know and understand that their parents are getting divorced. Really. This is huge.
Then, my son, the youngest, very honestly asks, “(to his older sister) Did you say whiz in a volcano?”
A car full of laughter ensued. And yes, I had to explain what might happen if one whizzed in a volcano...
Jeff
posted by Fej at 10:06 PM
6 Comments:
well done jeff, your honesty is appalling but it's just so right... your kids will be very glad of you when they get older, even more than they are now :D...
cheers, bart
Oh my friend, if it were only as easy as her liking shoes and you not.
But hey...you got in some good whizzing in the volcano talk. :)
XOXO
C
Trisha, you are a bit awesome yourself.
Bart, I hope you are right, they provided me with the right moment, I just hope it went okay. Since it ended in laughter I think it did.
Christie, I did do some improvising there, not lying of course but I avoided the difficult stuff. The volcano whizzing was a very nice comic relief.
What a great story. Well done, Dad.
I like the line about needing a traffic accident or falling meteor here...
good stuff.
OMG, what a sense of humor you have in posting about this. Understanding "being different" is so tough for little kids. Nice job in explaining it!
Although back to the shoes, you could say that your ex was more of a Jimmy Choo-type whilst you lean more towards Tevas and Timberlands (based on your despcription of where you would vacation and what you would do while there). Or something. :)
Sometimes they get it...and sometimes they don't. If only life was so simple. you handled it well!
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