Fej's Blog

Yo

2008-09-20T21:33:00.002-06:00

Wow. It's probably been the longest I've ever gone between postings. There is no way to catch you up without going into major detail. It's been over a year and I used to fill pages just with daily events. How about this:

I'm legally divorced. This alone should be worth pages by itself. Applause if nothing else.

I am in a relationship with a new woman. Again, pages... and applause!

Crazy crap with my ex. Old news, I know.

Work, money, life... yada yada.

Ok, so now that I'm not much of a blogger I just occasionally remember about this blog even being here and just check in every year or so... and today I posted. Lucky for you huh?

Fej

The Girls. Installement #1...

2007-08-25T00:06:00.000-06:00

So I'm actively working towards becoming involved with another woman. There has been a lot of activity... but not so much of the sort that you might be thinking about. Let's just keep it clean here, k?

Yeah so my life is completely void of anything you might be interested in reading about, but since Blogger still hasn't deleted my account I'm still posting about my meager existence. Which means you get to hear about the lesbian, the soccer girl, and those others in-between.

As I may have alluded to previously, my lesbian friend is someone with whom I’ve fallen for. Head over heels I might add, it’s been a rough year for me. And let’s just clarify up front that I don’t know for sure that she is indeed a lesbian. The jury is definitely still out on this one. But the evidence is mounting and for the purposes of this blog I’ve decided to refer to her as such.

I worked with her before and she joined my new company also. We’ve lunched together. A lot. I don’t know how else to describe everything that has happened since then and where I am at now. It’s simply too much for me. And as for her, I of course can only speculate. At the lowest level, as an outside observer might relate; she and I appear to be in a relationship of some sort. That’s what I’ve heard anyway and I ‘spose that may be a pretty accurate conclusion to be drawn by the typical observer. But if you dare to dig beyond that and take what “little” I’ve learned about her since then, well then it becomes more complicated.

Damn. There is so much I haven’t talked about for a long time. I’d have to write a novel to catch you all up. By “you all” I mean the occasional visitor who actually still stops by. Really this is mostly just still an avenue for me to vent. If I had any “inkling” that any of this were to get out to anyone I knew, it would all have to end…

Let’s consider this an installment for now. I really do plan on additional updates; let’s see if it happens.

Fej

Howdy

2007-07-26T19:36:00.000-06:00

Been kinda busy since March... Didn't really mean to take so long I guess. I think this place has pretty much just become somewhere for me to type something up on occasion. I still don't see me getting back to regular blogging anytime soon, but who knows.

Trying to summerize what's happened in the last 4 months would be futile. Here are some highlights though:

Still not divorced. I probably never will be at this point. Anyone ever heard of a common law "divorce" by chance?

Still looking for someone, despite quite a number of dates. Internet dating, while it produces dates doesn't seem likely to produce someone I'm really interested in. I've become totally infatuated with a woman I could never actually be with though. I've been totally stressed out and distracted by this very complicated woman for nearly a year now. That's gotta count for something... naw, just kind of pitiful.

Oh well, just thought I'd stop by. You know, semi-annually or something like that.

Late,

Fej

almost said no

2007-03-26T22:23:00.000-06:00

You know, what bugs me is that I almost didn’t do it. I was sooo tired, sore, and I just really wanted to sit down. It had been a long day, my weekend was mostly wasted already having spent a chunk of it at work and on the phone with people there. The time I did have I spent working on my yard and other heavily neglected projects around the house. That stupid roto-tiller I rented just about killed me until I remembered how to let the dang machine do the work. Even after that it’s not exactly like running a lawn mower, actually not even close. Muscles I’ve apparently never used are still hurting as I type.

I just didn’t feel like it. They were having fun all by themselves, why did they need me to jump in? Friday night was spent on the phone and answering pages in the middle of the night. Saturday morning came unusually fast despite Friday night being the shortest of the week… and just knowing I’d have to go in to work again on Sunday night just killed my desire to do anything else that day. I didn’t have the heart to get after them for destroying the living room even further and asking them to do the “weekend clean up” just didn’t seem appropriate right before spring break. Well their spring break anyway. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to get Friday off like I want to...

All three of them were practically begging. My son was torn between being able to jump off the roof and just getting me to jump with them. What was I thinking anyway? How many 14 year old girls still want their dad to jump on the trampoline with them? Duh? All I could think about was how much work I had to do; at home, at work, with my ex, and how I wished my patio was done already so I could relax even more comfortably than I already was in my old decrepit lawn furniture.

I got up to tell them no, I was too tired and that jumping off the roof was too dangerous and I was stupid for even letting them do it once. And instead I found myself pulling off my shoes and wondering if I’d hurt my back by jumping with them. Then after a good 20 minutes of total chaos on nylon suspended by springs over a metal frame we all collapsed. I had farted and we all fell to avoid the stench and could hardly stand up because we were laughing so hard. We had jumped long enough where even my kids were a little tired. We just lay there and talked and laughed a little more. The weather was perfect, they were happy, I was happy and I wondered… how I almost said no.

Fej

Hey.

2006-09-15T23:53:00.000-06:00

So. I’ve been gone a while. And yet still some of you stop by and even drop a comment or two. I still appreciate it. And on nights like tonight I hope that you’ll stop by again.

Not that I’ll be checking out the blog-o-sphere much anytime soon but it’s nice to be able to vent and hear some feedback on things going on in my life.

I’ve been working some ridiculous hours recently. Hours that make me rue the day I became salaried… I had my last phone call from manufacturing at somewhere around 1:00 AM last night. But it’s still a good busy if you can believe that. Really, it is.

It’s the other stuff that still throws me into a spin every now and then. That still includes this girl I’ve mentioned before. I’m still not ready to discuss or for that matter am I even sure about what I know about the “complexities” of our friendship. I think the latter is pretty well firmed up, we get along just fine. I’m of course leaving out a bunch of details. How long would this post be if I explained the last two months I’ve been away? Really, really, long. Trust me.

Let’s just say that some opportunities have opened up for me recently. Some online (yes, I couldn’t resist the online dating stuff forever), some at work, and some old friends. But I can’t even get excited about these opportunities. Not until I can shake her from my mind. And it seems like, that's not going to happen any time soon.

Well, while you might walk away from this post a little curious, a little confused, or just down right frustrated that you made it to this point without any real information at all, I do feel better.

For me, it’s all about unloading the stuff you carry around every day. At least once in a while.

Thanks,

Jeff

Oh yeah...

2006-08-01T21:38:00.000-06:00

And I have a sense of smell again. Maybe I never made it clear, maybe I never realized it was that bad, but I have a sense of smell again.

Not all smells are good mind you, I had to have my vehicle's upholstery cleaned recently, and I've become aware of things in my home that need attention...

But in all it's been fabulous. Today there was a construction project in the nearby offices that requires some horrid glue product and while everyone else was complaining about it, I ran out into the hall and inhaled it all in. While that may not have been so healthy it was wonderful that I could smell it at all. And I complained (happily) then with everyone else.

And then there are you women out there... holy crow, while I figured your beauty was sufficient I had forgotten about your aroma. I was kind of hoping you'd make things easier though, not more complicated...

Jeff

Never dull here.

2006-08-01T21:28:00.000-06:00

Hey all.

Not that all that many of you are still dropping by but I’m not reading anybody’s blogs either. Ironic as it is, my life is at one of its most interesting points but I’m only driven to write about it every so often. And half of those don’t make it past MS Word on my PC…

But tonight, I think this one may make it out there. And maybe a few of you will happen across it.

I’m having a hard time summing it all up but how about this: I’m still loving my new job. It’s been the best change I’ve made in years. I was feeling down the other night, thinking that my chances of getting “back out there” again were slim and then I remembered the past year…

I have had two official “dates”, one or two unofficial “I’ll hook you up” kind of dates, and after this silent summer of events many more occasions of note that should make me stop feeling down.

Hell, I didn’t have this kind of action going on in high school and I’m not even legally available now. I think that’s a good sign. So, I’ve renewed my efforts to get things legally finished. It’s going to be rough for a variety of reasons even though things are clearly separated and established, the legal system doesn’t see things as clearly as many of us do here in reality.

I’m off for the weekend and then some to see a cousin of mine get married. That should be a good reminder and incentive for me to get things finished and then started again. It's a plan anyway.

Jeff

Hello.

2006-06-30T22:12:00.000-06:00

I went through with my nasal surgery after all. I could have had legitimate excuses and easily justified pushing it out a few weeks more. But I didn’t. It wasn’t any fun. Not even a little bit. I can’t say I’ve been in all that much pain, discomfort yes, and well let’s just leave it at I experienced one of the most disgusting things in my life just a couple days ago. But I returned to work just 3 days later. It will be another week or so before I really know if it has helped much. My fingers are crossed…

I spent a weekend in Chicago recently with the very woman that I was infatuated with some years ago. The trip itself was business related but the stay through the weekend was a prime example of ironic and unexpected fortunate circumstances. I don’t know what that means but it sounds right. I didn’t expect to go, I wanted very much to go, I fully expected not to go, and more importantly than the former, I didn’t expect her to ask me to stay through the weekend.

No, none of that sort of stuff happened. It was just a really fun weekend with someone that I think I get along really well with. I feel pretty comfortable saying she feels the same way. I know, so why aren’t we moving forward with things? We’ve been hanging out since then even more. It’s complicated. Those of you who have been around here awhile should know that few things come into my life without complications. She is a welcome complication. And one that might not ever be more than just a friend. I’m just going to leave it at that.

Oh, and just incase you think I’ve had a lack of crazy recently: My ex’s ex boyfriend finally got out of jail, has been in contact with me to get his stuff back (because she has a restraining order against him) and the one day and time we finally can meet, who is with me? Yes, this woman. I had already informed her that I had crazy in my life. After a few questions about why he went to jail she was okay being in the car while I met with him. It went fine.

Sometimes I think that if my life were simple, I wouldn’t enjoy it as much as I do. But I still wonder…

Jeff

Hoo boy, it’s been a while. But what the heck I’ll throw something out there.

2006-05-15T22:04:00.000-06:00

I’m thinking that since it’s been so long its best I don’t try to fill in all the details. I’ll just tell you what’s going on and if you need me to fill in the gaps I’ll try to get to it in a slightly better response time than the weeks it’s taken me to this point.

Another vehicle was totaled by my ex.

The new dog is sadly working out well for my old dog, which means I have one less excuse to get rid of the new dog.

I’m still totally enthralled with the stupid (growing) turtle.

I assisted in getting a woman that I was totally infatuated with years ago hired at my new job. And of course she is even more beautiful than she was 5 years ago and then some. Sigh.

I’m sitting on the couch tonight using a personal massager on myself. Because I tore the holy crap out of my right legs quadriceps about a month ago and I’m still out of commission. And you thought I was going somewhere else with that didn’t you?

A wind storm blew down two light poles, tore up my trampoline and left me without power for a whole 4 hours or so the other night. Guys don’t keep candles around the house. I was lucky they turned it back on before my flashlight died.

I bought a new bicycle and might start riding to work a few days a week. Assuming this massager thingy helps break down the scar tissue…

I’m scheduled to have endoscopic nasal surgery to repair a deviated septum, polyps, enlarged thingymajigs, etc. The bottom line is that people have been saying for years that I’m full of shit but apparently it’s all in my head.

There is more but this is all I got right now.

Thanks for stopping by.

Jeff

Need to talk...

2006-04-27T21:43:00.000-06:00

Hey. It was one of those weeks. One of those nights. Whatever, you know, just one of those times when you need someone to talk to. Or more specifically to the point; when I need someone to listen to me.

My dippy dogs don’t cut it. They are more concerned with what I’m snacking on. I’ve been working some rather ridiculous hours. I literally congratulated myself the other night on making it home by 7:00 PM. Then I realized that I had gone to work at 7:00 AM that morning and I was only excited by the fact that the sun was still up. Stupid daylight savings…

I went on another date. While it won’t go anywhere, apparently I’m datable and I’m not going to throw myself head over heels at the first or second pretty woman that happens by my way. I was kind of worried about that.

My ex called tonight and it was obvious after 10 minutes or so that she was trying to keep me on the phone and she had bigger issues to talk about. She definitely did. Have bigger issues I mean. Let’s just say that my past suspicions were on target more than I’d have liked. She’s still alive and our kids have a mom. That’s why I did everything the way I did I guess. I’m not going to go into specifics but lets just say that if I ever get nominated for a Supreme Court position, be sure to tune into C-SPAN. It ought to be some good programming.

Then I reassured her, at her request, that there was no chance we could be together again. The words came relatively easy for me but hearing her reaction was somewhat unsettling.

The direction of things haven’t changed. I suppose its just grasping reality in the face of unwanted change. Who the hell enjoys that?

Jeff

2006-04-02T22:52:00.000-06:00

All right, here goes. Germany was nice. It was a rather quick trip but I had a lot of time to myself too. The business part was rather brief but successful. Then I found that having a hotel room to myself was no longer the relief it used to be. When at home, I have a whole house to myself. I don’t need that sort of get away anymore. I’m not the sort of person who can just stay indoors though, so I spent a lot of time walking around Munich.

They have good beer of course. And while the weather wasn’t fabulous it wasn’t snowing like the week before and the rain was mild. Munich is a city where it would be nice to have someone to enjoy it with. I don’t mean from work either…

Everything else is normal. Despite my big talk about no more animals, I might have another creature joining my household. If my ex-mother-in-law gets another animal I will call the humane society and report her for abuse. She doesn’t abuse them, she just neglects them once they are no longer cute. I have a chi-poo staying with us this weekend, a Chihuahua/toy poodle breed that is actually a rather nice dog. However it is still another animal. The turtle is still too much and now another one. If he can keep my other dog from going insane while I’m gone during the day… he might have a new home. We’ll see.

There is more. An odd combination of extraordinary luck and a painful reminder of things of the past. This will get worked out this week though, and it might involve me making someone very unhappy. Not very typical of me but I’m not the same person anymore either. Don’t ask, I just had to say this much at least.

Jeff

2006-04-02T21:08:00.000-06:00

Where am I?

2006-03-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

On Friday I went out for a few beers with an old friend. We had fun, got caught up on each others lives and made it home on time for once. Now maybe his wife will let us go out again before this summer is over…

My floor is almost complete. I finished all of the laminate to carpet/tile interface stuff and the trim is painted and ready to be put back in place. I’ll miss having an excuse to have power tools lying around in the living room but it will be nice to have everything finished finally too.

I managed through another weekend with another kid sick as a dog. They should know by now that you don’t get sick on weekends, save those days for during school. Hello?!

I finally got my youngest tying his shoes by himself. He was pretty happy about that. So was I. My oldest and I spent a little more time on the tennis court too. She seems to really enjoy it. I just wish it wasn’t after I just finished an hour and a half of soccer. I’m hurting right now. We played some Star Wars Monopoly, watched the newest Harry Potter movie and even managed to catch the newest Raven episode.

I’m glad it was a good weekend even though we didn’t manage to do half the things I had wanted to do. I leave for Germany on Tuesday morning and I won’t get back until Sunday evening. My parents are taking them to Colorado for a few days during spring break so hopefully that will make up for me missing a weekend. I’ll get Saturday there on my own because the flight was considerably cheaper if I stayed one more night.

That’s where I’m at.

Jeff

My Schematic

2006-03-09T22:40:00.000-07:00

I’m not wired this way. It works. But I don’t like it.

I’m making new friends, solidifying a key spot within an up and coming company that might make it big, I’m totally involved… with myself.

But I don’t feel like me. Something is missing. Besides the ever so obvious lack of a woman in my life.

It’s my kids. Holy crow. I’m not much of an individual without them. I’m horrible at this single crap. I’m missing so much that is so more important than this job.

She is doing better. Which is good. My kids are doing okay, but not great. The weekends fly by faster than they used to. The weekdays drag on… I even have a new floor. It’s fabulous compared to the crap I used to call “carpet”. But without three little things to mess it all up it doesn’t seem the same.

Don’t get me completely wrong, I’m not down, down. I’m just down right now. And I needed to tell someone about it. Things have been fairly good but I just miss them a lot.

Jeff

Turtle Update

2006-02-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

So the turtle and I are getting along fine. He’s up to three crickets a day and I suspect could easily devour more. I worry about feeding him too much though. I give him snacks of krill, blood worms, plankton etc. to pacify him in-between the crickets. Are you listening to this crap? Since when did turtles become ruthless carnivores? I’ve dropped in the pellets that supposedly can provide up to 60% of their diets but he won’t touch them. He just kicked the carrots right off of his turtle perch into the water. Live bait is highly suggested because of the health benefits. I just might do it.

Other than my daughter’s turtle eating frenzy’s, not much else is going on. Oh sure, work is keeping my very busy but no one wants to hear about that crap. Well, except that I will probably be off to Germany in a couple weeks. We’re probably going to buy a couple lasers from a company there and I’ll need to go sniff that out. I’m trying to push for an equipment buyoff in say around… October.

Still no more on the dating front but I have some inclination that at least one if not two women at work have some interest in me. I have some interest in them too except I’m pretty sure at least one of them is already spoken for and I’m still not too excited about the idea of getting involved with someone I work with. It’s never a good combination in my opinion.

I may take on a laminate flooring project over the next couple weeks. That will give me a justified excuse that my house is a mess but only until I finish. Then I’ll have to hunker down and get this place truly organized.

I hope all is well out there in your lives.

Jeff

A Bit More From Me

2006-02-07T20:07:00.000-07:00

Hey all. I’m still around for the most part. I still don’t get to read up on your blogs much so it really adds a tinge of guilt when I see you folks still checking in on me and leaving comments to boot. Thanks though.

If you were worried that I was off and heavily involved in a new relationship with my recent date, no need. Nothing has happened since and I’ve decided to not call anymore. Here is what I suspect: she inadvertently dropped a few comments that made me a little suspicious that she was still into her ex. They were subtle mind you but with him having trouble with his new wife and her and me going from another date to unreturned calls, it just made me wonder.

And that ladies and gentlemen is something that this guy with a freight train of his own baggage does not want to get involved with. Egad.

Several good things have come out of this though. For one, I went through some racked nerves and even a butterfly or two in my stomach and came out unscathed. This may not seem like much to you but let me tell you; this is big. My dating experience prior to marriage was minimal and well for lack of a better description, rather juvenile. I was just a teenager then. Also, I realized that I really need to get this freaking divorce over with! Yeah, that’s kind of a big deal…

I’m really starting to miss my kids too. It took a little over 2 months but I’ve come to realize that I’m not much for the single life. I realize I was okay with the full time dad stuff. Sure lunches, cleaning, homework, driving, driving, driving, stress, silly rambling conversations about the logistics of volcanic eruptions in our backyard and getting them to bed on time were tough sometimes. But I really miss it. A weekend night or two is quickly proving not to be enough. But this arrangement is still working for the original reasons we did it. I guess.

Someone gave my daughter a turtle for her birthday. They wanted to get rid of it and she wanted one, everybody is happy right? Well, I was a little less than thrilled when I came to find out that this particular turtle is illegal to buy or sell in our state, prefers to eat live bait, needs a ginormous aquarium and can live up to 75 years. Go figure.

Jeff

Hold On, Wait, Okay... Now Things are Still Unclear

2006-01-17T21:30:00.000-07:00

Sunday’s event never came. Not for the lack of a legitimate cause but at the same time nothing else has happened since either. Ironically or maybe appropriately I find my recent dating experience with someone who has more difficulty getting time alone than even I did a few months ago.

Always the eternal optimist I had not cast this opportunity aside, but I was kind of figuring nothing more was to come of it. Then, she calls as I’m typing this up. Go figure. Yes, I indeed have found a woman who can both match and potentially outperform me when it comes to lifetime drama. Again, go figure.

I do like talking to her though. She seems to enjoy the same. Life throws its curves and I’m thinking that a situation where things are forced to develop slowly might actually be the most appropriate for my first “out of wife” experience in over 15 years.

I’ll try to keep you all posted on things as they develop.

Jeff

A Bit About the Date

2006-01-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

The date went just fine. Luckily I looked at the sign of the restaurant I was walking into and realized it was the wrong one and managed to make it to the right one more or less on time.

All in all everything went really well. We have a lot in common and conversation never ran short. I had been straining all week to remember the details of her face. The whole event last Saturday was a bit of a blur. Last night though it all came back. We were a bit constrained for time since she only had a baby sitter for so long. Ironically I was not. Go figure…

We might have lunch on Sunday.

Jeff

This Time, it's for Real.

2006-01-08T22:26:00.000-07:00

I have a dinner date for this Thursday night. No, a real one. She smiled at me, rather earnestly. I doted around like an idiot for a while but eventually made it around to introducing myself and asking her to have coffee with me. All while at Target and both of us with kids in tow. Lucky I still have that behemoth of a vehicle…

Okay I’m getting a little ahead of things. We talked last night for a while. It went well. She is aware of my situation and I am of hers. She’s pretty. I cleaned my closet and it was like the biggest project I’ve taken on in years and I’m not sure if the two events are related or not.

So, given our limited history and a successful call on Saturday, none on Sunday, do I call tomorrow? Hold off a bit? Wait until Wednesday night? I can’t find a dating manual to fit my situation and lack of experience. Eh, I’ll wing it.

Jeff

Just Stopping By...

2005-12-15T19:14:00.000-07:00

Hey there. How have all of you been? I found myself typing something else this evening that I really don’t feel like typing, needed to reference a particular event and remembered that I had blogged about it. So I opened up my blog and found the event and the date I needed. Cool. Almost like a diary.

That prompted me to give a brief update. I guess an explanation of why I haven’t been updating at all might be appropriate as well. I think I had long exceeded my need to blog well before I stopped. Then when I put up that last post, it really felt like a last post. And I was okay with that. And that was an odd feeling. Especially since I had been such an avid blogger for the last year and a half.

That means I was doing it because I felt I needed to. I had a network of friends that I kept up with and they often kept up with me in return. I still wonder what’s going on in all of your lives but I just haven’t been on my computer much lately. I haven’t been reading the news like I used to, no chatting recently, nothing.

So, in the mean time… did you know that they show NFL games on Monday nights? And that there are lots of other channels besides Nickelodeon, Disney and Cartoon Network? And that animals can be just as annoying as children if not more so? I’m really not doing that much when I get home in the evenings. It’s actually kind of nice.

My weekends are crazy but they always were. Well, I suppose I should get that other document done about now. I hope everyone out there is doing well.

Jeff

Where I'm at. Where I might be going.

2005-11-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

I don’t know how much more I’ll be blogging. I’ve obviously been slacking pretty badly. In the past, my excuse has been that while I’ve been ignoring my own blog I’ve at least been keeping up with all of yours.

That hasn’t even been the case. Here is the problem:

There is this guy that needs more attention. He has been worrying about everyone else for a long time now. He doesn’t get much time to himself and when he does, he doesn’t even know what to do with that time. It’s new territory for him.

This guy suggested something a few weeks ago kind of figuring it wasn’t a likely possibility. But then things happened. Other people needed help (of course) and this suggestion he made came up again.

So, he’s giving this suggestion he made a chance. It’s new, different, and so far working. He has a new job and has to travel a little more, so the timing is also somewhat appropriate.

……….

I probably won’t stop blogging any time soon, but it’s probably going to slow down even more than it has. It’s been such a huge help to me to have a friendly and responsive medium to express my thoughts and meet people and to learn. I’ve made many friends that I’ll not likely ever meet in person, but that doesn’t reduce the influence they have had on my life. Especially given these last couple years have been a bit exceptional…

My main point here is that I could easily be blathering away again in a day or two but I don’t think that’s very likely. And if I visited your site daily in the past and now I’m not, it has nothing to do with you. It’s just that I need to work on me for a while, now that I have had the chance to get this far.

Yup. That’s where I’m at.

Jeff

Semi-sorta-weekly-update

2005-11-10T19:19:00.000-07:00

Well where do I start? Things are going very well at my new job. I’m even starting to get used to the idea of working 40 or more hours a week again. Boy did I have it cushy at my old job…

I will likely do a vendor visit next week sometime and I have a feeling I should renew my passport. They shouldn’t be long trips but I see them coming soon.

As for my needing a date situation… I might just have one. Pick your jaw up off your keyboard, I don’t know for sure yet. I placed a call yesterday afternoon to her since it had been a long time since we had talked. We had some awkward moments years ago but we didn’t cross any lines. Since then, either my life has been a bit too unstable or she was involved with someone herself. I guess she’s not involved anymore. She called me back late last night and we talked for quite a while.

I’ll try to keep you posted.

Jeff

Oh yeah, I have a blog.

2005-11-02T22:10:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. You are probably sick of reading about how busy and crazy things have been for me. I’m sure your own lives have been also. I wouldn’t know though because I’m a super slacker who reads other peoples blogs like once a week at best.

I have been quite the dedicated new employee. My responsibilities, involvement, and understanding of things have improved immensely from this time last week. Some of these people are pulling 10-12 hours a day and weekends right now. I really, really, really, don’t want to do that but I will if necessary.

Things with my ex and her life are quickly reaching pandemic proportions. I’ve had to take evasive action and called in many a favor to assist with child dropping and picking up stuff. I’ve got a new plan in the works to hopefully take care of this issue relatively soon. And cute or not I have the stinking kitten again. She’s growling at my dog as I type.

Then there is the company holiday party. I need a date. More importantly I want a date. I mean I’ve wanted to start dating for some time now but now I have a fixed date, time, place where I will need one. At my old job, not like they’d have a holiday party of any sort anyway, it was no big deal. Everyone knew of my situation and I could go solo without any issues.

There is this pretty woman at work…

Jeff

An Up Coming Visitor.

2005-10-29T23:42:00.000-06:00

Hey, someone is about to be my 10,000 visitor.

That seems significant to me. If you happen to be that person or close to them, please let me know.

Otherwise, please don’t think that I don’t care or miss reading ou all, I just have been busy.

Jeff.

My First Week

2005-10-28T20:38:00.000-06:00

Oki Dokey. It was an easy but rather difficult and trying week. Yet I survived and made it to work on time 0 of 4 days for the week.

I was sucked into an engineering meeting for 2 hours of my first day but for much of the rest of the week I haven’t done a whole lot. I’ve read everything I could about the company, their product, the technology, the competitors and various potential vendors that I’ll be bugging soon. I only surfed minimally for non-business purposes. If you were a fly on my office wall you would have fallen to the floor many a time in total shock at how I used my time and resources at work for only work related purposes.

About the late part. Um, well, if you really knew me and my history and my tendency to attract negative or more specifically "non-punctual events” to prevent me from being on-time to work… well you’d be quite impressed!

I was about three minutes late my first day, maybe four-five the second day, close to 14 the third day, and well back to three or so today. And let’s just point out that today I was well on my way to being early had it not been for that slow moving and rather long train this morning. Seriously, there is me and the whole not wanting to get up and all and then there is the entire universe being aligned against me and my attempts to be punctual.

So now that I’ve been there four days and have shown up well before 90% of the people who work there, I think it’s about time that they see my true colors. After all, I have sacrificed soooo much already…

Jeff

My Last Day

2005-10-24T20:30:00.000-06:00

By the time it finally came around it was almost a blur. I really would have preferred to savor it a little more, talk to a few more people I won’t likely see often or even at all again and to just enjoy this day.

But no, in typical Fej style:

At approximately dead of night AM my silly dog was trying to crawl under, inside, on top of me, somewhere to hide from the horrible noise. The dreadful noise of a dying smoke detector back-up battery. Yes, they are especially horrible at this time of night. He just wouldn’t let up, I had to replace the battery or harm my dog. Luckily it was in a low hallway and while I nearly had to rip it from the ceiling I was able to replace the battery and go back to bed. Then, at just a little before 6:00 AM, my dog is once again trying to crawl into my skin. Did I put in a bad battery? Could it be possible that after years without replacing a single one, another battery went dead that same night? Yes, my friends. This is my life we are talking about so it is definitely possible. I waited until the last possible moment and of course it was in my oldest daughter’s room at a height requiring a ladder.

I retrieved the ladder, replace the battery and scared the crap out of my oldest child seeing a dark specter atop a ladder in her back lit doorway. After I had put the ladder away I went back to turn on her light and ask what she wanted for breakfast and the light bulb in her room burnt out.

$*%#!

I then had to rush out of the house to squeeze in two parent teacher conferences and somehow drop off another kid at school at the exact same time. Since that couldn’t happen, one particular male child of mine went without socks today and (in a rare moment of luck) it turned out that the conference was 15 minutes later than I thought so I was… on time.

Cool. So as I sat down in my office and started to peruse the usual round of internet news sites for my morning fix and I realized that I should really get things finished up at work. The news could wait. I transferred some files, sent some email, started some parts, gave away some stuff, and then made my rounds to say good bye. The latter part took me until mid afternoon, forced me to write a rather short “good bye” email, and even made me late to pick up my oldest from school.

There were several people though that surprised me, people I had talked to only a number of times over the last decade. They bent my ear and asked all about my new job, the industry, exclaimed how lucky I was and how they wished me the best. And it sure seemed genuine.

It was a good last day.

Jeff

Short Timer

2005-10-20T20:25:00.000-06:00

I could just about use a set of 3 x 5 index cards at this point. I’ve had to retell where, why, what I’ll be doing, etc. so many times that I’m starting to mess it up. Don’t get me wrong, the last two weeks have been two of the best I’ve ever had while working.

No pressure, no stress, very little to worry about at all. This is not to say that things have gone all that smoothly either. Parts I need to make a last shipment have been really slow coming through the line, there have been problems overseas, and I keep remembering all these other things I need to do before I leave.

It’s sad that our atmosphere has reached this low point but I’m practically getting “high fived” walking down the hall by people who are just happy to see someone leave voluntarily.

While one the one hand it’s a little repetitive giving the same story over and over again, I don’t necessarily get tired of it. I need cards just because I have to change the story up a little bit depending on who I’m talking too.

Former/current boss: “I’m not all that excited about leaving it’s just that this was such a great opportunity for me.”

Peer: “Well, I hope you get out of here soon too. I’ll pass your resume around once I’m a little more established. Good luck, I hope they start taking better care of you guys.”

Operator on the line: “Screw this place, they’ve been screwing us for years, I’m out of here!”

Tomorrow, I get to have my going away luncheon and I don’t have a speech prepared. Maybe I’ll save that for happy hour after work. I’m sure I’ll have something much more interesting to say after a few drinks in me and my audience.

Jeff

The Next Stage

2005-10-18T20:40:00.000-06:00

Things here haven’t been dull. Isn’t that what I was asking for? Dull?

Nope. And it has been not dull to the extreme. And then some. I really don’t want to disturb any of you good people than might be reading this with too many details. Let’s just say that things are going to be a lot different around here.

Starting with my new job of course. Things are sort of starting to wind up to a close at my current employer but I still have a lot to finish off. And that doesn’t include cleaning up my office, which will require close to a day itself.

I may have a roommate for the next couple months. Not in my room, but in my house. This person has lived here before. More specifically she has lived her for a long time up until the last few years. Be careful of what sort of charitable offers you make, people might just take you up on them some day. There are some extenuating circumstances going on right now, but this is sooo not what I wanted.

However, there could be a couple of benefits:

For one, I need to be at work on time everyday without exception for the next few months. If you knew me and my current schedule, you would be afraid for me.

Two, this will save a bunch of money over the next couple of months.

Three, that’s about it. Everything else will be crazy and chaotic and what little time I get “to myself” will pretty much disappear for a while.

Oh, and did I forget to mention there is a kitten involved? I would ask, “What next?” but I know better then that.

Jeff

What Was I Thinking?

2005-10-15T19:53:00.000-06:00

Okay, but where do I sit? Whose idea was this? Would I really allow 6 kids to spend the night?

Anyone else need a place for their kids this evening? Bring 'em on over.

Jeff

Drive By

2005-10-14T19:37:00.000-06:00

“Hey kids, want to drive by my new job?” I said this evening since we were in the area.

“Yeah!” They replied excitedly. It wasn't far and we were soon there. I wanted to drive by the front entrance since the back area isn’t very exciting but I wasn’t quite sure how to get there. It was 10 minutes until 7:00 PM on Friday night, there were only a couple cars around (which made me feel better) and a security guard in a golf cart.

I found the way to drive up to the entrance but there was no outlet. So I turned around slowly as the kids looked on and asked various questions. A single individual walks out of the building glances over at us but then quickly looks away walking towards the parking structure.

Who was it? My future boss of course, working late on a Friday night. Do I dare drive by tomorrow or Sunday too? What have I got myself into now…

Jeff

Moving On

2005-10-12T20:02:00.000-06:00

While waiting in the car the other morning, my little ones were wondering why I wanted to change jobs. They think my company is the greatest place on earth. For one I’ve worked there for their entire lives. Two, on “Bring Your Kids to Work Day” the place is full of games, donuts, candy, and we get play with microscopes and lasers and such. Three, that’s the only time they go inside. The new place just doesn’t sound as fun to them and I neglected to ask if they let us bring our kids on that day each year.

They could not fathom why I didn’t want to be a manager at McDonalds instead. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it’s just not for me.

So, I put in my resignation yesterday after 12 years of employment (more than 1/3 of my life) at this place. That was not an easy thing to do. Even though the offer from my new employer was plenty generous and I’ve been wanting to leave for years now, actually making that walk down the hall was rather nerve racking.

While they were certainly surprised it was more because it was really happening, not that they had not considered the possibility. I somehow kept it quiet for the rest of the day and I was warned to expect a strong counter offer.

Crap.

Did I want them to stroke my ego, make me feel like all these years hadn’t gone unnoticed, miss me? Yes.

Did I want them to make a serious offer and genuinely make this life changing decision more difficult than it already has been? No.

Most of my morning was spent talking with varying levels of management. Saying "yes" would have been so much easier. I didn’t spill on the details of my offer and held firm that I wouldn’t have resigned if I hadn’t already made up my mind.

And I feel so much better now.

Jeff

The Things Between

2005-10-10T22:07:00.000-06:00

I don’t like it when I do this, but I’m just filling in the days right now. The days in between. In between now and some future date that I seem to think my whole life depends on.

It’s a rather ignorant and petty way to think when all that really matters in life is so much more simple, but not always so obvious. Even though it’s right there, right in front of you.

It’s not always about money, or a job, or whatever may be dominating your life at the moment. Usually, what you spend the most time on is not necessarily what you would really care the most about, given the chance to reflect a little. In fact, it’s all too often what you aren’t worried about, what you expect to always be there that is most important.

I have to remind myself of this all the time. I hope that counts a little bit.

Jeff

Hello Out There

2005-10-06T20:00:00.000-06:00

I really appreciate all of you who still check in on my rarely updated blog. I thought I’d sit down for a few minutes and try to write something new. It’s been a busy week or so.

Last week my 92 year old grandfather passed away. He had lived a full life though and we’ve all been very lucky to have him as long as we did. The service wasn’t terribly sad since this wasn’t exactly unexpected however it was touching and brought together a very diverse group of people. He had been in an assisted living home for the last 10 years or so. They worked it out so that the night shift came in early and the entire staff from the day shift attended the service. He is one of those people who actually thrived and enjoyed his time there. And they enjoyed him as well.

To make a long story short, my GAP insurance covered the difference between what my insurance paid and what I owed on my ex’s car that she lent to a friend (who didn’t have a drivers license) and was then totaled in an accident. I’m so going to get dropped by my insurance company though, I just know it.

I have a more thorough understanding of the bail bonding process. No, it wasn’t me, I bailed someone else out.

I got a call on Monday from a recruiter to say that a local company wanted to interview me for a position. I interviewed yesterday and the recruiter said they really liked me and I should expect and offer by early next week. This is good, actually great news but things are just never dull around here.

I could really use just a few minutes of dull.

Jeff

It Can't Really Be Monday Tomorrow?

2005-10-02T21:48:00.000-06:00

There. Just. Aren’t. Any free moments around here.

We blasted back off to Colorado for a whirlwind cabin closing for the winter. It was a quick trip. Nice but much cooler. I thought the sheep herding picture below was cool, there must have been 400-500 sheep on the highway.

There is more. So much more but I really need to unpack, and clean, and study, and make those dang lunches, and get the kids out of the shower, and laundry, and I’m too tired for all that right about now…

I hope you all had a good weekend,

Jeff

Driving With Sheep

2005-10-02T20:23:00.000-06:00

Kokanee Salmon

2005-10-02T20:20:00.000-06:00

I had to Google what 'spawning' was.

Jeff

...you got left.

2005-09-25T22:54:00.000-06:00

While driving this evening with my kids, my sister and her two kids we got on the subject of getting lost. I told a few stories about when I got lost when I was younger and so did each of the kids. My oldest daughter had just finished telling about the time her mother had forgotten her at a soccer game a few years back. Then my younger daughter started to tell about the time she got lost at the zoo. My oldest interrupted, “Oh, the time when they mistook you for a monkey and put you in the monkey cage?”

We all laughed at that because she was a hairy baby and I called her a monkey. Plus she is a natural gymnast and can climb anything. She got her sister back though, “I got lost, you got left behind.”

Was that a short weekend or what?

Jeff

Airlines vs. My Life

2005-09-23T20:43:00.000-06:00

Why at any given time my life is disturbingly similar to that of any given major airline:

• The cost of fuel is steadily rising and your “vehicle” has a large appetite.
• Despite making every effort to keep a tight schedule there is always one or two passengers that will hold your trip up and make you late. (The fact that mine are usually under the age of 13 is of no significant consequence.)
• Even when the weather is good, it seems that there is always a bit of turbulence.
• When things aren’t so good, please place your head between your knees and brace for impact, it can get kind of rough around here at times.
• When you get everyone from point A to point B without incident, on-time, and safely, all they notice is the lack of quality snacks, the high price of beverages and lost luggage. (I offer breakfast before school, they always want to stop for something to drink, and someone always forgets a backpack, folder, shoes, jacket…)
• When you are late, even the airport or connecting airline (or school administrator) won't acknowledge that the traffic was out of your control.
• You are always just a few flights short of declaring bankruptcy…

Jeff

Nothing New Here

2005-09-21T22:48:00.000-06:00

Almost a week later but I’m back. Well, I’m still here. I never really went anywhere I just haven’t been updating at all.

But just ask me what THC is? No. Not that one, I meant Thermohaline Circulation of course. And what about anthropogenic forcing? Yes, that is the sort of thing I’ve been concerned with lately. That and oh … I don’t know, 28 lunches a week, all sorts of homework assistance that isn’t even mine, ailing grandparents, and there is something else I’m pretty sure… Oh yes, my job. Almost forgot about that one.

After purchasing a BIOS upgrade, new hard drive, and spending a lot of rather precious free time working on my old PC, it’s still not working. Hmm. It’s probably just me. The error messages are approaching ludicrous. I really don’t want to have to solicit professional (paid) help. Remember in the movie Office Space, where they take the copy machine into the empty lot? That’s where my old PC and I are headed next…

And to end things on a lighter note, excerpts from a phone call I had this evening:

Me: “Hello?”
My Ex-wife’s Boyfriend From Jail Pay Phone: “Do you know where (ex-wife) has been?”
Me: “She told me she was going to the hospital yesterday and that’s the last I’ve heard from her.”
MEXBFJPP: “Oh, I was worried about her. She’s been visiting twice every week and then lately nothing. She sent me a card for my birthday (he really sounded touched) but I haven’t seen her this week.”
Me: “Well, I think she is in the hospital. She didn’t tell me this was going to be an extended stay but I guess it is.”
MEXBFPP: “Okay, I was just wondering….” And then he goes off to explain all about why he was in jail again, and how he screwed up, and how much he appreciated my help, and that was the gist of it.

Yup, things are pretty much normal around here. I hope you all are doing okay too.

Jeff

And Cue the Weekend...

2005-09-16T20:46:00.000-06:00

It’s finally Friday night. I have the kids tonight unlike the last several Friday evenings. My ex has been having them stay over and even been hanging out with them for a while on Saturday's too. Definitely a new one for them and me. I haven’t been out for beer or anything, I’ve just been going home and enjoying what little alone time my insane animals will allow me. I can throw a cat (literally) out of my room and feel somewhat satisfied afterwards. It’s not that I wouldn’t actually toss one of my children out of my room it’s that they would enjoy it. Then they would want to do it over and over again...

You know what? I just don’t have all that much to say. I’m not even sure what that says about my life, but something I’m sure. Things aren’t bad, busy of course, but I’m focused on staying on top of things, I’m not letting the usual chaos get to me and well… I guess that’s about it.

Have a good weekend everyone. I’ll try too also.

Jeff

Can You Read Me Now?

2005-09-14T22:13:00.000-06:00

So who is this Fej guy anyway? Oh yes, that would be me. When I used to have a blog.

What a slacker am I. I actually read a few blogs last night. I’m still trying to find and re-save all of the other blogs I used to read regularly. Most are linked on mine but some were not.

I believe that flashing my BIOS with an updated version will get my old PC back up. Then I can hopefully access and grab a few of the things I didn’t back up prior to the crash.

My laptop is working out nicely. I went “wireless” for the first time this afternoon at school. That was pretty cool. What wasn’t so cool was the stupid Windows startup chime blaring full blast in the big hall of the library while my computer booted up. Whoops. Now I know where the mute button is though…

School is kicking my butt but I’m enjoying it. Dropping down to one class was a good idea as I feel I can concentrate on one subject much more easily. The rest of my life outside of school won’t slow down so I believe it was a wise decision.

I received two court notices this afternoon saying that I needed to address some Parking Warrants. For $120. In my name but from the license plate of my car that I don’t drive. Lovely. Even divorce won't remove me from that stupid car.

Jeff

Back Online

2005-09-10T19:27:00.000-06:00

Well, I have been unable to get my old PC going as of yet but I won't give up yet. So I bought a new one. I decided to go for a lap top this time, we'll see how that works. I am loading software and screwing around in general but I'll hopefully be surfing a bit later tonight.

Jeff

Timing...

2005-09-07T12:59:00.000-06:00

When does the average person really need a computer? I mean really need one? For most of us I suppose when not at work we really don’t need one. At least I don’t. I spend a great deal of time using mine but I rarely actually need it. Well, until yesterday afternoon. I had to email an assignment to my professor by 5:00 PM. At this point I believe it is my hard drive that has failed.

I rushed to my parent’s house and hastily wrote something up just in time. So, I’m shopping for a new computer and I still need to fix my old one as well. Not that I’ve been all that active in the blogoshpere lately anyhow, I’ll be even less active until I’m back up and running at home.

Jeff

Back To Reality?

2005-09-06T00:28:00.000-06:00

Again, we were in Colorado last weekend. It was a very short but much needed break. I didn’t even know that Renquist had passed until this evening and I consider myself rather up-to-date when it comes to things like that. I suppose that is a prime example of why I love vacationing up there so much also.

It was eight children to five adults. See, it runs in my family… I only brought four of the kids and they were the easier of the bunch I might add. We also brought up five bikes, new helmets (with face protection and goggles) and the rest of the crap we somehow fill my giantic vehicle with. The bikes were a nice addition and I rode long enough to realize that: 1: while I might be quite the sprinter, I’m most definitely not in shape for bike riding. 2: My bike is a piece of crap. 3: You don’t fully realize the need for shocks on a Mountain bike until you actually take it to the mountains.

There were no significant injuries among the children and all the ATV/Motorcycle/Bicycle/River rafting/and general chaos that ensued. The one kid, affectionately nicknamed “Dying Squirrel” by his sister, did have a few spills but after you get to know this kid… you kind of know why.

And, I have to go back in a week or two again. My grandfather now feels that I’m about the only one capable of closing up the cabin for the winter. While this is certainly not true, it is a rather complimentary title to hold. I get an excuse to go back up there but I lose another precious weekend at home as well. No biggie I suppose.

Jeff

Desperate Situation

2005-09-02T10:31:00.000-06:00

Take a look at what the Mayor of New Orleans has to say...

Tonight

2005-09-01T23:38:00.000-06:00

It’s one of those nights. The kids are in bed and I’m up too late.

There are plenty of things going on in the world to make me appreciate the good fortune in my life. Yet, as if a blatant reminder to the futility of the things I do and the results I subsequently achieve, I can’t get on the Red Cross site to donate tonight. Odd. If for once in my life I wanted to pay a bill or two on the day it was actually due, I’m sure I could get on just fine. But, I wouldn’t try that hard since that is a rather petty thing to do. Now that I can afford to do so, I still hold out a couple days… just to keep them on their guard.

But, after seeing all the pictures, the chaos, and realizing that this won’t be a short-term disaster, I only wish I could do more. I’d drive my gas guzzling SUV down there tonight and pick up 12 or 15 people at a time depending on how many could squeeze in the back but then again that is not… realistic. I have obligations here that prevent me from leaving and even if I didn’t, they need buses, not Suburban’s.

Empathy is a cruel trait to posses, especially with limited means and excessive obligations.

Jeff

Another Reason Why I'm Going To Hell

2005-08-28T23:31:00.000-06:00

The scene: I’m at a wedding reception of an old high school friend of mine. Lot’s of old and current friends, we’ve all had some time to have a few drinks, dinner will be served soon. The wedding party finally comes in after hours of pictures and things finally get going. There is a quick toast and then the groom’s father steps up to give a little talk. Then he asks everyone to join him in a blessing and a few words in prayer. The room falls silent (for the first time that evening) and just before he begins, a cell phone rings.

It’s mine.

My hushed reaction: “God damn it…”

Fortunately for me, with my phone all I have to do is press any button and it will silence.

However my table was desperately snickering and stifling uncontrollable laughter during the whole prayer.

No one at any other table heard me luckily.

Who was calling? Of course it was my STBE, from the hospital. At least she didn’t leave a message.

So, how big of a deal is it to curse and use God’s name in vain during a prayer?

Jeff

Interesting Week

2005-08-26T21:51:00.000-06:00

Yes, it was an interesting week here in my world. Let’s see, do I dare break it down? Okay just a little of it:

I’m busy at work. It seems like an annoyance really. I’ve been there so long it’s like a chore. But, I’m not slacking, I’m really working pretty hard. It’s just so difficult to pull yourself through work that you have no desire to do. That’s why I’m going back to school again to hopefully one day find a job that I driven to work at diligently, if it’s not so much to ask, one that I really enjoy and want to retire from some day.

School. I swear there really ought to be a dress code. How in the hell is an almost 33-year-old guy soon to be legally single after 12 years of marriage (and after another agonizing 2 ½ years of limbo…) supposed to concentrate on school with all of these young women prancing around in inappropriate clothing?! Is this college or just a big and expensive place to date and show off your wares?

Sheesh.

So, I know have 11 books, umpteen online articles and journals to read, and close to 100 pages worth of research papers to complete. Hmm. Things aren’t looking good. If this load proves to be too much I’ll drop one class prior to the refund date. But I won’t drop both. I do want to do this. If nothing else, just to see all the beautiful women… wait, did I just transcribe that thought?

I’ve just about finished the paperwork necessary to total my STBE’s(soon to be ex-wife's) car. Luckily we did buy the GAP insurance. I don’t really want to go into the details. I suspect it was divine intervention personally but I’m scared to mention it less something goes wrong. Oops.

She called me yesterday morning after I drove all over town dropping off kids and then just getting to work. She wanted to check herself into the hospital again. She has kicked all of the loitering folks out of her apartment and didn’t want them to know she’d be gone for a week or two. So, I head back across town to pick her up and drop her off downtown. It’s good though. At first she would douse her emotional upsurge (or down-surge) with medication, etc. Or an emotional rampage that brought destruction to her own relationships, ours of course, and many, many others as well. Recently, she has reached the point where she recognizes that her emotions will soon be out of control. This little "vacation" was preemptive so to speak. I’m hoping its progress too.

My sister-in-law wants to “meet” with me to tell me things about my STBE. I’m thinking, what could she possibly tell me that I don’t already know? On second thought, maybe I don’t want to have that conversation…

Have a good weekend all,

Jeff

Um, School Started, So That Is My uh, Excuse.

2005-08-23T20:56:00.000-06:00

Well, I’ve been a bit too busy to blog much lately. I’ve also been slacking on my reading. Unfortunately I don’t see this particular lack of blog activity dissipating any time soon either. I’m not so sure this is the end of my blog necessarily but definitely a less often updated one.

I started school today and I’ve already figured out that I’m not ready for one of the classes that so conveniently fit into my schedule. I don’t have any remote idea of a potential thesis topic yet so no, I need to change this class. This same professor though is doing a Proseminar class that just might work out instead.

At work, despite the doomsday rumors I’m very busy. I don’t even have time to look for another job or keep up with the news anymore. Is that just sad? Spoiled you say? Maybe…

Nine books for two classes... what kind of crap is that?

Jeff

A New Place

2005-08-18T21:53:00.000-06:00

This evening, despite what seemed like a million frustrations coming together all at once, in a pinnacle, right on me, I found a new place to deal with it all a little better than normal. I really don’t even want to go into the details of the stuff leading up to these frustrations, it’s a bit more than I’d like to share. Not all of it’s bad but some of it’s not so good. As usual an optimist like myself would then reason that things are going okay. So, I suppose they are.

I changed into comfortable shorts, pulled down the bikes, grabbed a chair, a beer, let my dog and many cats outside, and we sat. We watched kids ride all over the neighborhood. My kids. As if we had just moved in. We’ve been here just nine years or so. They rode and rode and rode. And complained and argued and crashed and I adjusted handle bars and seat heights and gave cats attention that I didn’t really feel like giving attention to but I did. But, in the end, I spent most of that time in a chair, with a beer, watching clouds drift by slowly. Not like they do when you only check on them every fifteen minutes or so, but like when you concentrate on them, focus, and watch them slowly pass by.

I don’t know what you’ll think of that, but I liked it. Then, I had to put the bikes back up, get them ready for bed, make lunches…

Jeff

What if?

2005-08-15T22:17:00.000-06:00

Would a woman in my life really help anything?

Just how would butterflies in my stomach and daydreams all day help me stay focused? I don’t have time for my job, I just need the money. I barely get everything done that I need to as it is already. I’m with my kids an average of 6.75 days a week so nights out alone are rare to say the least. My “free time” is spent cleaning and maintaining my house, cars, yard, and any optimistic observer would question whether that even happens at all.

I’m still legally married. I’m sure I’ll be paying off debt for the rest of my life. Even once the divorce is final (which I took a few important steps on today…) I’ll forever have her in my life and herd of nutty ex-in-laws too. Plus she’ll have more legal power to make my life miserable after we are divorced than she does now. One reason why I am taking these final steps towards a finalized divorce ever so carefully.

Then I’ll be a single father with children who gets out once a month. And I’ve already realized I likely won’t find who I’m looking for at a bar. So maybe this whole going back to school thing could be an even better idea?

So, back to where I started. What if I do meet a woman? That I like, and she likes me, and is okay with all the above crap, and can put up with my wacko life? Hmm. I suppose if she can handle all that then I’ve answered my own question.

Jeff

Thursday Stuff

2005-08-11T22:21:00.000-06:00

I’ve spent some ridiculous amount of money on school supplies and clothes. I somehow accidentally signed my youngest daughter up for the bi-lingual program. My son says his new teacher just “blabbers” all day long. My oldest seems to have a new attitude about school. I strongly suspect it has to do with not being a six-grader anymore.

I’m busy at work now, quite steadily too. I’m not all that happy about it but then again the day passes quickly. I’m not up on my current events like I normally am but I guess that’s the way it should be. All the while, it appears ever more apparent that many of us will be laid off soon. Certainly before the end of the year. Bring it on. I could use the change.

I’m totally committed to going to school again minus paying my tuition (due tomorrow) and buying books. However I am admitted, enrolled in two graduate classes and I have a new shiny ID card. After tomorrow I will just be missing books. And time. I have no time.

Tonight we got home, of course after 7:00 PM, stopping for more school supplies, prescriptions, wine, dresses for my ex-wife’s friend who isn’t talking to her and my ex is doing the same. I had to address the noise coming from my air conditioner, then my ex-wife’s friend came by to pick up the old water bed that my ex-wife had given to her friend’s sister. The 70% wave-less mattress weighs about 300 lbs. after being drained by the way.

Then the kids wanted their bikes down, one of the hooks in the ceiling was coming loose, I had to drill a hole (or five), to find wood behind the drywall, I think I found wood, maybe. The AC was a mess, who takes care of this place anyway?!

But. I got an email today. I’m sure it was just a friendly note. It took me fifteen minutes to finally decide on a reply to her two-sentences. It’s probably nothing. But I hope not.

Jeff

Last One

2005-08-08T22:47:00.000-06:00

The aftermath of the fire is still quite obvious.

Yet somehow, beautiful.

2005-08-08T22:40:00.000-06:00

My kids... obviously don't know how to work the flash on my camera. Probably for the best. It was just a quick nap, really.

The Jet

2005-08-08T22:37:00.000-06:00

I'm not even sure if it's a Leer Jet. I don't know these things obviously, I just drive those who do to these sorts of places...

Our Weekend

2005-08-08T21:08:00.000-06:00

That was quite a weekend. There were kids and dishes and socks and laundry and shoes (never a matching pair) and Leer Jet’s and ATV’s out of gas and flat tires and trees and scratches...

The good news is that we all had a great weekend. All the kids including my daughter’s friend had a lot of fun and didn’t want to go back home today. I didn’t want to leave either and my grandfather would gladly have let us stay through the rest of the week.

The bad news is that while attempting to show my daughter’s friend how to ride the two-wheeler, she drove through some low hanging tree branches and scratched the crap out of her face. That evening was a stressful one. None of the scratches actually drew any blood but it was obvious that she would and eventually did develop some pretty hefty scabs. Lovely. Technically it was my fault, I did agree to let her try. While it wouldn’t help me in court, I found that this particular child panics easily and does the exact opposite of what I had just instructed her to do. She not only rode straight into the tree but she gunned it the whole way through.

Her mom was very good about it all and her face looked much better today. I don’t think that there will be any lasting marks. Plus, she was soooo excited about the trip, the discussion of the incident never even came up when I dropped her off.

Phewwww.

Then my dog tried to drown himself by swimming out to us while the kids and I were paddling around the lake. It got kind of scary for a few minutes when I went to look for him. He was swimming in a bunch of bushes that were in shallow water. We could see the bushes moving and hear him paddling around, and then nothing…

I waded out, very dry, and then as I got further out it started to get relatively deep. I expected to brush up against my dead dog once the water hit my chest but then there he was. He had scrambled into the middle of a bush and kept himself above water. He was shivering and scared and so I grabbed him and walked back to shore as the hero. I was however soaking wet and it was not the warmest day. Stupid dog.

Leer Jet? Yes, we got to peer inside the Leer Jet that my cousin’s wife and family piled into to fly back to Houston. We gave them a ride to the airport and drove out onto the tarmac, I’ll post some pictures later.

There was more but this is long enough. I’ll try to catch up with everyone later.

Jeff

Out-A-Here, Again.

2005-08-03T22:45:00.000-06:00

Well, there are no training wheel-assisted bikes in this household any longer. The last of my children is riding on two wheels only. And they rode and they rode and they rode... They are truly exploring our neighborhood like never before. I like that.

We are off to Colorado again tomorrow evening, I’ll be far away from internet connections and mobile phones. I can’t wait. We are taking an extra 8-year-old along to entertain my own. That would be four children, one dog, an 89-year-old grandfather and myself. It will be a busy weekend. But working hard there doesn’t even feel like working, if you know what I mean.

Have a good weekend everyone, school starts late next week for us. I will start too at the end of the month myself if everything works out. I think it will.

Jeff

Change is Good?

2005-08-01T23:22:00.000-06:00

Changes are on the way. I don’t even want to start with school, my kids and I are not ready. Summer vacation was wayyyyyyyy too short. Then there is me. I might do it. I might. Start. Again.

I’ve been threatening for years now, sometimes just to defer my student loans, sometimes because I get this wild hair that I’m going to become a real engineer. But despite the fact that I’ve done this for the last 6 years without a degree, I don’t want it. It’s not me. I think I’m beginning to understand just who I am. It’s not pretty.

I might just go back and get my Masters degree. In… don’t laugh, Political Science. Pumping out a 6 page research paper in just two hours for someone else kind of helped me realize that one should really do what they enjoy if at all possible. How I’ll make any money or even find a job in this field is of little concern. I’m going to win the lottery too.

Jeff

Cheating

2005-07-31T20:59:00.000-06:00

Uh, I’m cheating tonight. Not for myself but for someone else. She has watched my house for the last two year’s whenever I’m out of town. I did a term paper for her last summer and now, on very short notice, I am doing another one tonight.

Ethically I’m against this sort of thing. But I’m not the one turning it in. I enjoy research and learning and writing and all that other geeky stuff though so I see it as a challenge. Plus, I’m going out of town next weekend and I need someone to feed my cats.

So I’m off to explore how Washington intended a better future relationship between the Native Americans and the fledgling new nation than the reality that we now know. I’ll catch up with you all later.

Jeff

Turn Left, Lean Left, Turn Right...

2005-07-28T21:38:00.000-06:00

I promised I’d have both little ones riding without training wheels by the end of the summer. One down, one still leans the opposite way in which she turns. She is closer after tonight though. Two weeks left. I think we’ll make it.

Tomorrow evening I get a rare night out. I can’t wait.

Then there is the impossible task of accomplishing everything I need to do in just a two-day weekend. If at first you don’t succeed, lower your expectations. That’s what I say when it comes to busy weekends anyway.

Jeff

Just One More Reason I'm a Loser

2005-07-26T21:59:00.000-06:00

And to think I spent my evening researching how the Codex Vaticanus and Sinaiticus were related.

I need a girlfriend...

Jeff

Since I've Been Gone

2005-07-25T21:23:00.000-06:00

Just some things I’ve been up to since my last posting. Whenever the heck that was.

We have more Chinese visitors here for a few months. Since they are on expense accounts now we often find ourselves tagging along for lunch more than before. They are two younger guys and expressed a concern that all they do is eat and go back to the hotel. They wanted to play some soccer. So I took them to my soccer practice (this was my second time going…). Only a few people show up each week but with the two additional people I brought it made for a good three-on-three scrimmage. The Chinese then realized the significance of running hard at 5,000 feet above sea level. They were exhausted.

However they had fun and want to go next weekend too. Speaking of China. A co-worker of mine had an interview on Friday with a huge local employer here, things went well, and then he got home to another message from another employer for another interview. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal. Everyone is trying to leave. But he is working on a project that needs to be transferred to China. I’m the logical replacement. I don’t really want to go back.

I get home to a message on my answering machine to hear that I have an interview at 3:30 PM tomorrow. I talked to a recruiter last week and they sounded interested. The very next message was the recruiter again and never mind, no interview yet. I'll call her tomorrow anyway. Cruel.

We had a great soccer game tonight. It was tied 2-2 since the first half and I scored the winning goal with just a few minutes left in the game. It was beautiful. People cheered. Hey, if I can’t brag here then honestly, where can I?

Jeff

The Usual Stuff

2005-07-21T19:57:00.000-06:00

My ex has been in Arizona for the last few days burning up some of my remaining hotel miles and checking out a local woman’s home. I guess it’s a place for women with chemical addiction and other problems. It sounded like a great idea to me so off she went. Of course she picks one of the hottest weeks in years to go to Phoenix but she was hardly roughing it at the hotel. I guess it was a nice place.

She was upset that I didn’t drop the kids off in the morning. She didn’t have time to talk to them on the phone last night so I didn’t have time to drop them off this morning. That bugged her. But she was tired and eventually came by and picked them up around 4:00 PM. I picked them up an hour later.

I asked her how the place in Arizona was, the woman’s place, and she said, “They were rude.” I knew it was out of the question at that point but she continued to explain that they banned all medications. Worse, it was a dorm like situation, everyone had to help out AND you had to get a job. What a nightmare.

It’s almost Friday and yet even when it is, it still won’t be Saturday.

Jeff

Putt Putt Sunday

2005-07-17T21:54:00.000-06:00

My kids have been a little disappointed about their summer so far. They have been complaining about not doing anything fun. While they are forgetting about the multiple trips to Colorado they’ve had so far, riding 4-wheelers, rafting, etc. there is some truth to their complaints. While they are in town they have had less than an exciting time I suppose. Their mother hasn’t been exactly filling their days with outdoor activities and such. They typically play video games and hang out in the apartment.

And the complaining every morning. Everyday (weekday) they ask where they will go for the day. I’ve had to answer most every day that they will go to their mom’s. This answer is always followed by complaints and even crying sometimes too. I just love that part, really I do. Not.

So today, they asked what we were going to do that was fun? I needed to clean, replace some brakes, work on my yard etc. but I could tell that they did need a day of something different. I know they wanted to go to the local amusement park but I knew how much that would cost. Uh, no. I decided on Putt Putt. An old stand by my parents surely used on my sister and I many a time. It worked fabulously. Well no, not fabulous initially and it was looking like a big waste of five hours of a Sunday up until the 17th hole of the 3rd course.

I refreshed their sunken “lack-of-hole-in-one” spirits between each course by first having pretzels and hotdogs for lunch and then blowing 160 tokens in the game room. I suck at Galaga but still love that game. After cashing in some 600+ tickets for crap, we started the final course.

My youngest daughter was the only one not to get a hole-in-one yet and she was quickly approaching total devastation. Then, she almost makes one on the 17th hole, it was soooooo close. She was about to drop. Actually she did. It was funny so that saved her from tears. I decided to shoot without moving her ball. I was off a little from the hole and what do you know, I knocked her ball in. That was good enough for us and she was ecstatic. Technically, she only hit her ball once and I didn’t use my club so her ball was in the hole in just one shot, by her. AND SHE IS VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT SO DON’T EVEN GO THERE.

My oldest sulked her way through 49 holes until she finally nailed her first hole-in-one. She was on the verge of tears the whole time but determined to play all night until she got one. My youngest, my son, with no form, no skill, a tendency to hit the ball well outside of the little orange barrier thingies, had 3 hole-in-one’s that really defied all reason. He was just plain lucky.

I must of hit 10 or more hole-in-ones, usually when I wasn’t even trying and always when my oldest was at her lowest point. I never did go up to the counter to claim my coupon and have my name announced over the intercom. My kids couldn’t fathom why… Except for the last hole, the Sonic “Win a free Sundae” hole. I hit that one, my kids cheered, I’m talking screamed their lungs out and clapped. That was a nice Dad moment.

We ironically had dinner at Sonic and followed that with a few Sundae's. I don’t know if they will remember today when they complain about their crappy summer or not, but I hope it helps.

Jeff

Balance of Life and My Ceiling Fan

2005-07-15T23:39:00.000-06:00

I don’t mean to scare away my non-geeky readers. But did you know that dust on a ceiling fan can cause major disturbances?

Yes, in respect of the fact that my children refuse to cover themselves properly once asleep, I turn off the AC at night. Otherwise I’d be perfectly happy if the temperature dropped to 55 degrees or so. So, I’ve been using the ceiling fan. Yet it’s been waking me up lately. The stupid little dangle things for the light and the fan have been bouncing around at night. They have been smacking each other, ever so lightly, that you wouldn’t even notice unless you were just, trying, to, stay, asleep.

Then they began smacking the light housings too. It was subtle, made me dream of someone lightly tapping a wineglass with a spoon as if to make a speech. The speech never came the but the ever so light tapping continued.

I dreamt that if I cleaned my ceiling fan, the dust was building up, that it might help. Sure enough, it did.

My fan has not wobbled or caused the dangly things to smack anything at all since the cleaning. Does this say anything good about my house and I though?

Jeff

My Excuse

2005-07-14T20:33:00.000-06:00

I’ve been busy this week. I’ll try to catch up this weekend.

Jeff

Car Rides With My Kids

2005-07-10T22:06:00.000-06:00

My kids and I are driving across town to see a friend of mine. We end up behind the same car we followed for a way yesterday, on a totally different road, in a metro area of 700K +. Weird. And unrelated. Anyhow, my younger daughter asks, “Why did you and mom decide to get divorced?”

One of those left field type questions that can really catch you off guard. But not this time. It worked out very well. “Well, I think after all those years we finally realized that we were both very different people.”

They all ponder this briefly. She asks, “You mean like because mom likes shoes and you don’t?”

“No, no. That’s not what I mean. We have very different personalities and it took a long time but eventually we realized that it wasn’t going to work out. We are still good friends, it’s just that we can’t be married anymore.”

Silence. Then my oldest and wiser pipes in, “But after 12 years, what went wrong?”

Uh… I could really use a traffic accident or falling meteor or something right about now. No such luck. “I think a big part of the problem was that we didn’t wait long enough before we got married.”

Will she catch on here? We were married two months prior to her birth, it’s just a matter of time before she does the math. “We were too young and hadn’t really had a chance to grow up. Even when you are an adult, you need time to be yourself, finish growing up.”

I lost them at that point. I was reaching. I had obviously gone way over the heads of my little ones. My youngest daughter asks, “What do you mean dad, about being different?”

“Well, for example: If we decide to go on vacation, I like to go to the mountains, hiking and camping and stuff. Your mom likes the cabin but she really doesn’t like the ‘outdoors’ so to speak.”

They seem to understand this one, then my least helpful oldest daughter asks, “What about Hawaii?”

I stumble a little… “Well, we haven’t been there and I suppose I’d like to go there too…”

Think Jeffrey, think. “Well, if we went to Hawaii, your mom would want to spend all of her time at the beach and at the pool. I would rather see the island and explore a little.”

My oldest, “You’d like to visit a volcano, huh?”

“Yes, I would love to do that and I doubt your mother would be very interested in that sort of thing.”

Egad, we finally got off the subject. Phew, I made it. We were able to discuss this big issue that’s been floating around for the last 2 + years and they seem to understand. They know and understand that their parents are getting divorced. Really. This is huge.

Then, my son, the youngest, very honestly asks, “(to his older sister) Did you say whiz in a volcano?”

A car full of laughter ensued. And yes, I had to explain what might happen if one whizzed in a volcano...

Jeff

Lately I've been...

2005-07-08T20:11:00.000-06:00

I’m just having a hard time with getting excited about anything recently. There is as usual, plenty of things in my life worth conversing about but I just haven’t been up to it. Not to worry, I’m not in some deep funk but I’ve just not been writing it all down like usual.

My ex has a new beau. I think I’ve seen him once briefly, if that was the guy then he looks rather thug like. Why oh why can’t she just find a sugar daddy with a legitimate job and infinite patience? On Wednesday she didn’t even answer the door when I showed up to drop the kids off. I had to find other means and was even later to work than I normally would have been.

I’m still employed, enough said there.

This weekend I have an infinite number of things to do. I suppose it would be only reasonable to expect me to accomplish a finite amount. I’m supposing it will be a rather small few.

I actually questioned myself last night as I opted to sit down with a drink and watch TV. I wondered how I could do that amid my house of chaos and relative filth? Then I reminded myself that I never sit down and watch TV. Then a few minutes later I was smothered by animals and my kids came back in from outside. That was the end of that.

I’ve spoken little of her because there isn’t that much to say other than my neighbor across the street is really beautiful. Speaking of pretty women, I had an encounter at lunch. A very pretty (young) girl just finished ordering prior to my friend and I arriving. As she walked by I thought she smiled but wasn’t sure. She was probably in her early twenties and I had a hard time believing she’d pay much attention to me anyway. It took forever for our orders to finish and I figured she’d be gone. She wasn’t and as I walked by we exchange mutually gratuitous smiles. My friend was already in a booth and when I sat down he asked why my face was red. Damn it all, I hope I didn’t turn that color right away as I passed her. She was getting her order to go and as she left we exchanged glances again. She works at the bank nearby and I thought all afternoon about starting up an account there.

But I didn’t.

It’s July 8th folks and we’ll be celebrating the 4th here tonight. We’ve just been too busy to do our fireworks until tonight. You know, many of the colonies didn’t get word of the signing of the Declaration of Independence for several days so we are just recognizing those areas that didn’t get to celebrate right away.

Jeff

2005-07-07T21:05:00.000-06:00

Just to the left of where we had lunch on Sunday.

2005-07-07T21:04:00.000-06:00

We roasted marshmallows last weekend.

2005-07-07T21:02:00.000-06:00

My Weekend

2005-07-05T23:08:00.000-06:00

That was a nice long weekend. I’m tired, my kids are still resisting sleep, and I have lots of blogs to read so here is a quick run down:

Lot’s of driving.
Lot’s of work. (Remember I was on vacation)
Lot’s of carrying, starting, transporting, starting, minor repairing, starting, and refueling of the 4-wheeler.
Raking, sink fixing, tire repair, raft repair, tree-trimming, septic tank maintenance, lamp repair (I think I took about 110 volts but just briefly), wood splitting, lost wedding ring searching in the crawl space of a 55 year old cabin (long story), and lots of dishes.
Lot’s of fun.
Lot’s of talking with family.
Lot’s of enjoying the kids’ enjoying themselves.
A grip of pictures, I might post a few tomorrow.
I called in to work to say I wouldn’t make it today. The first time in at least five years, and I know I can count the number of times I’ve done this on one hand still.

I feel like calling in again tomorrow.

I hope everyone had a good weekend and a safe 4th of July.

Jeff

2005-06-29T21:54:00.000-06:00

If I don't think of anything else before hand, I'll catch up with all of you after the holiday. We are off to Colorado again, everyone play safe.

2005-06-29T21:53:00.001-06:00

2005-06-29T21:53:00.000-06:00

2005-06-29T21:52:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year, when I start filling up my hard drive with pictures of sunsets.

Sink Issues

2005-06-27T22:41:00.000-06:00

On Monday mornings, after not shaving the whole weekend, I like to use a razor to get a nice clean start to the week. From Tuesday on I’m a lazy ass and use an electric razor. Plus after two days without shaving the electric razor doesn’t cut, it “pulls” the hairs out.

I had noticed yesterday that my bathroom faucet wasn’t acting right. The hard water deposits must be blocking most of the flow. So I decided to clean out the screen real quickly. Sure enough, it was almost fully clogged with little calcium deposits. I started poking them out one by one. Then the little white thingy that goes inside the black thingy fell into the sink. No problem it was just sitting at the edge. I suppose if I had just grabbed tweezers as my initial instinct told me to do, I probably wouldn’t have to explain why I had to take my entire sink plumbing apart to grab not only the stupid white thingy but then also the drain plug part that also fell.

I cursed a lot. I also wonder where all that black nasty crap comes from, I sure as heck don’t put that stuff in my sink.

Then, I shaved and my water flow was just fabulous, a bit crooked, but I wasn’t about to take that stupid thing apart again.

I was late this morning. But clean shaven.

Jeff

Oops

2005-06-25T19:49:00.000-06:00

Okay. I really need to return my dad’s propane weed torch attachment to him. I don’t have much in the way of weeds in my back yard but I set my fence on fire again. I may have to replace some fence planks this time as it burned them pretty good. You can see it from the neighbor’s side too. Then I scorched the side of my shed also. Whoops.

On the plus side I made some major headway in my back yard. I just need to get some rock put in and finish cleaning stuff up and it will look like a halfway decent yard. I filled in one of the “giantic” (as my younger kids called it) holes they dug finally too. I will have to leave one area of dirt for them to dig and play in though, they just love that of course.

I had to use a credit card to pay for my groceries this evening, as my check card wasn’t working. That seemed odd. I called to find out I had a whopping $2 available and then heard that a $750 ATM deposit was pending. WTF? My money is gone but someone is depositing money in my account. I called and confirmed it wasn’t my wife, her depositing money in my account would shock me more then someone fraudulently taking it out. Oh yeah. She lost her wallet. I forgot to call and cancel her card to our account. She loses her wallet every week or so and I was going to give it a few days before canceling it. This saves a lot of trouble with the bank normally but this time I guess she really did lose it.

When I got home I did confirm that someone withdrew my remaining cash at a gas station. I don’t know what to think of the ATM deposit but if it’s legitimate I could get used to that sort of fraudulent activity more often. I really don’t need any help emptying out my checking account, I can do that just fine on my own.

Jeff

Not Ready

2005-06-24T21:36:00.000-06:00

I went to a memorial service today. I’ve been to enough to know what they are like but this one was a little different. This guy wasn’t ready to go. He wasn’t young per se but at 62 he certainly wasn’t ready to go. Person after person came up to say a few words or tell a story about this guy. The entire place was packed almost standing room only. He wasn’t a celebrity by any means. But the amount of people, the number of friends, it all made me wonder what the difference was.

As many of you may already know through similar experiences, if you depart this world before “your time” so to speak, you tend to have a lot more people in your life. It’s just another fact of life I guess. If you live to be older than 80 or so (as luck would have it most of my relatives’ fall into this category) it just so happens that you don’t have all that many people around or at least in close contact as you used to. A casualty of a long life might be that there are fewer people around who remember you and what you have contributed during your life.

This was a series of thoughts I hadn’t had the opportunity to entertain before. Not that I want to pass before I’m of a ripe old age just to have a few more people show up to my funeral but you don’t necessarily think of these things on a normal day. It takes an event like this to really bring these sorts of things to light.

In this case a sad event. I admit I laughed a lot during this service, this guy lived his life by the seat of his pants and was a great husband, father, and friend to many. Person after person from all walks of life stood up to tell a story that usually ended in laughter. At the end of the day though, he was still gone.

I tried to avoid making it to the reception, I’m just not good with this stuff. I still ended up going, to pick up more kids of course. I saw all the people I really didn’t want to see and didn’t know what to say to try and make things better. But I suppose there really isn't anything one can say, to really make things better.

Jeff

Ants in my Pants House

2005-06-23T20:36:00.000-06:00

The ants will lose and I will win. My home has been infested and it’s a billion ants, my cats, my dog, and my kids all against me. My kids and animals do everything within their powers to keep the ants happy and well fed in our home. I know of some people who ban food from their living rooms and other areas of the house and keep all the eating in the kitchen. I think I’m going to ban eating in my house entirely. Let’s just get rid of all the food. I’ll save a lot of money and finally have extra cabinet space too.

Tonight I took evasive action, used lots of chemicals and cleaned places in my kitchen that I’m not sure have ever been cleaned. Not that it looks all that much better but I do know there will be fewer ants, in the kitchen anyway.

Did you know it is said that if you weighed all the ants in the world and all the humans, the total weight would be about the same? I’ll bet I have a few pounds worth in my yard.

Lovely topic tonight huh?

Jeff

Book Meme

2005-06-22T22:10:00.000-06:00

I’ve been tagged to do a book Meme by the Diva.

1) Number of books I own.

Rough guess here but I’d say about 150 or so. If you add in the kids’ books this number could top 500 easy.

2) Last book I bought.

Angels and Demons, Dan Brown.

3) Last book I read.

His Excellency: George Washington, Joseph J. Ellis

4) Books that mean a lot to me.

Rise to Rebellion, Jeff Sharra

In Harms Way, Doug Stanton

Germs, Judith Miller

Where the Wild Things Are, Maurice Sendak

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, C. S. Lewis

Green Eggs and Ham, duh.

5) Tag (at least) five more.

If you haven't done so already:
Christie
Evan
Suzanne
Trisha
Falafel Sex

I Just Don't Care

2005-06-20T22:46:00.000-06:00

A good friend of mine was pining away about a silly documentation policy. He was real upset about it and went on to explain why it was a very inefficient way to do business and there was a much easier way. I couldn’t argue with any of his logic, he really made a lot of sense. Then he asked what I thought and “wouldn’t you be upset too?”

I thought for a moment and then very honestly replied that, “I just don’t care.”

I didn’t mean to take the wind out of his sail or to minimize his valid point, but I just don’t care anymore. I think I stopped caring about 5 months ago, right about the time I got my first interview notice for the job I didn’t get. Ever since then, I’ve known that it’s time for me to move on. Where, I don’t know. But I have no more doubts that I need to leave.

We picked up a few new women on our soccer team this year. Two of them are very pretty. So the one I found myself liking is not wearing a ring but then I don’t see any women players wearing “rocks” during a game. It’s probably like a rule. Like it matters, I still need to finish off my own marriage first I guess. Anyhow, we are walking to the parking lot after the game. I’m for lack of a better term “checking her out” and then something catches my eye off to my side. There is my son, head in the sand, pushing himself along in the sandbox as if his head were the wheel to a wheelbarrow. I quietly try to catch his attention but no luck. So, I have to yell at him to pull his head out of the sand. He wonders audibly as to why this would bother me and I really don’t have a response.

At any rate, she was laughing. I’m going to take that as a positive. Yes, she’s probably married and even if not she wouldn’t likely consider dating a single father of three wacko children but I can dream can’t I?

Jeff

Father's Day

2005-06-19T21:33:00.000-06:00

I was feeling fine again by Saturday night. That didn’t stop me from sleeping in close to 10:00 AM though, maybe I still had a little of that bug left I guess. I was awoken to the squeals of “Happy Father’s Day!”

Thanks Nickelodeon for reminding my kids that it was Father’s Day last night. There was an add about the Father’s Day specials for Sunday and as I walked off I heard my youngest daughter exclaim, “Tomorrow’s Father’s Day??!!” Then they were all three off in a rush to round up a gift of some sort. My son was suspiciously quick and after I helped him use a paper clip to attach the note to the plastic grocery bag that my gift was wrapped in, he handed it right back to me.

I received a wooden object from my oldest daughter’s shop efforts, she had given this to me almost a month ago though. I got four Heath bars and a piece of Hubba Bubba Bubble gum from my middle daughter. (I won’t mention the fact that these are my Heath bars that I supposedly had stashed away.) And my son gave me a Nestle Crunch bar and Peep’s marshmallow bird thingies I suppose from Easter. He then must have realized the real value of that Nestle bar and shyly asked if he could have it back.

No problem, it was nice to know that they did all that on their own, no prompting, no hints, not even a warning that Father’s Day was just a couple days away.

I took matters into my own hands and went and picked up a new wheelbarrow for myself. That helped me make a couple runs to the dump today and sparked me to really get started on my backyard. I thanked the kids for it anyway.

Jeff

Down and Out

2005-06-18T21:11:00.000-06:00

On Friday morning it felt like I had drank a little too much the night before. I hadn’t though, not at all. Maybe it was something I ate then that was throwing my system off. I thought about it a little more and after lunch, that I didn’t even feel like eating I finally admitted that I was sick. I obviously had caught whatever the heck my kids had last Tuesday. My body tends to kick into fever mode whenever something is awry and for the rest of the afternoon I was a waste of skin.

With the carrot of being able to swim in the pool the kids spent the afternoon cleaning their mom’s apartment. By the time I arrived, it was time for them to hit the pool. I sooo didn’t feel like hitting the pool. I dozed in the shade, since mom “was too tired” to take them, the sun was way too hot but I was borderline cold in the shade. Stupid fevers.

Anyhoo, I told the kids they would be on their own for the most part and I lay down on the couch. After about 15 hours of heavily interrupted sleep, I feel much better. Good thing, my nephew was at my door at 8:00 AM so I could watch him for the day.

We picked up two more hamsters to replace our recently deceased one and the kids are really happy with them. One is really nice, the other not so.

I have a farm uh I mean a house to clean so I’ll get back to you all later.

Jeff

Last Chance

2005-06-16T20:28:00.000-06:00

I’m in trouble because of my grass. It’s not my fault this time though. The moron who inspected my property mentioned that if I weren’t in compliance by the specified date, I’d get a second letter of warning.

Don’t tell me that. A second letter? That just means I have more time. Well, I got my second letter. If I don’t remove about 700 sq. ft. of grass by July 15th, I can be fined $500 a day and or be imprisoned for up to 15 days. Here is what I think: the law says you can plant high water turf on 20% of your net lot (total lot size minus any non-porous surfaces, i.e. concrete, foundation etc.) At the time, I interpreted the clause as to be 20% of my total lot. Oops. So. I figure, I can just break up my driveway and replace it with gravel. Good idea?

Okay, I suppose that idea is just spawned from my utter contempt for some municipal tweed that thinks my crappy lawn actually qualifies as grass. It’s foliage for sure but that is a generous description. My only consolation for being unable to keep my grass alive has been that it’s in the backyard and no one can see it. Not only did someone see it, but also this particular person has the audacity to point out that I’m violating city ordinances and basic lawn maintenance techniques as well. Like pouring weed & feed in an open wound.

What a bunch of crap. Guess what I’ll be doing this weekend?

Jeff

2005-06-14T23:33:00.000-06:00

Stay away from this stuff.

The Trip

2005-06-13T22:07:00.000-06:00

I survived in Las Vegas. I spent a lot of money, I drank a lot, and … uh, I know we must have done some other stuff too. I think.

First of all, these are all friends of mine, some of whom I’ve know since elementary school and with the exception of only one couple, they were all people I’ve known for at least 12 years or more. They’ve been to Vegas countless times before this occasion and I finally made it. These guys are very serious poker players and spent the majority of the time at the poker tables. I gave it a whirl but was ousted rather quickly due to the rather astounding luck of another guy at the table. That and I’ve decided I’m just not much of a gambler.

The atmosphere is alluring and difficult to resist. The thought of paying for your trip in winnings is tempting too and I was doing pretty well on Saturday night. It didn’t last but I wasn’t surprised, that’s kind of how things are supposed to go.

The bachelor party was a typical one. We all piled into a limo after ingesting a couple shots of Absinth, a drink from Europe that is illegal here, or so I found out after Googling it today. It’s supposed to have hallucinogenic properties, on top of the rest of the alcohol we drank I’m sure it helped, but nothing was “moving” that wasn’t supposed to. I’ve been to a few strip clubs in town, even in Vegas before but this experience was nothing like any of those. In town, you basically sit on your hands during a lap dance and let the dancer slide around and such. At this place it was a little different.

I was just waiting to be ripped from the couch by a bouncer and thrown painfully into the concrete outside. These girls grabbed my hands and put them into places I really didn’t expect to find my hands that night. Their hands were in places that uh, surprised me to put it mildly. I was shown certain areas that you normally don’t get to see and well in general I was just shocked. I’m just a man though, I was hardly appalled. I was very hesitant and conservative relatively speaking and despite the antics of everyone else, no one was thrown out.

But, I still know that these women just want your money. I’m not sure the rest of the guys had figured that out yet. The best part was when a well to do married friend of mine, used all of his cash, hit the ATM two additional times, and then borrowed and additional $40 from another guy to pay back a dancer. He gave her $20, and then asked for one more dance...

My most exciting story? Don’t hold your breath. I made it back to the “dudes” room rather late and sufficiently intoxicated to think that I had lost my phone. I wandered the Casino for the better part of an hour, talking to security, my friends, random strangers, never even able to find the security counter. I returned to the room, rather perturbed to find my phone right there on the table where I had left it.

That’s about it. It was a learning experience for me in a lot of other ways, like I’m not a gambler and have a better definition of the kind of woman I eventually hope to find, but I’ll save that stuff for later.

Now, I’ve spilled on my trip so that means the Diva has to tell us about hers, even if mine was boring.

Jeff

I'm Back.

2005-06-13T00:46:00.000-06:00

I’m back, it’s really late, and we had a good time. No, it was not terribly wild, but not without a few good stories. I'll mention a few and post some pictures tomorrow... or I guess later today.

Jeff

Off to Vegas.

2005-06-09T19:10:00.000-06:00

Whelp, I’m all packed and about to head off to the airport. Here starts my weekend of debauchery in Las Vegas. I’ll post pictures and tell stories so long as I’m not advised against doing so by an attorney.

Have a good weekend everyone, I’ll have a lot of catching up to do by then I’m sure.

Jeff

Privacy...Not in this house.

2005-06-08T22:56:00.000-06:00

If nothing else, my kids will remember me for teaching them that privacy is a privilege, not a right. As they do to me on a daily basis, I just walked in on my oldest daughter pulling up her pants after using the bathroom. Just like me, she also forgot to close the door in my own bathroom! I leveled the situation though by reminding her of the fact that I changed her diapers for the first two years of her life.

She ran out with a red face but laughing.

Jeff

2005-06-07T23:48:00.000-06:00

I liked this, so I took a picture.

Just another day.

2005-06-06T22:58:00.000-06:00

After dragging three sleepy and weepy kids out of bed I drove them to their mom’s for the day. I went to work. I had plenty to do, but none of which I actually wanted to work on. This little issue is only getting worse.

For lunch, I ate what I left in the fridge at work on Friday, I’m just glad I remembered it was there. I then went to the bank, got gas at Costco and then drove 52 miles round-trip to check on my friend’s fish. He is out of town and asked me to watch his house until Thursday. Then, I went back to work.

I was supposed to have my first outdoor soccer game of the summer season tonight, but it was my niece’s birthday party. There was going to be plenty of people around so I planned on cutting out early. My dad was with my grandfather at the hospital though, I guess he has had a setback of some sort. He’s only 91. My mom and sister are terrified of operating a grill so I stuck around to cook up the feast. It all went fine.

My wife had apparently given my younger daughter permission to go to a sleep over so I drove her over there after the party. My nephew somehow ended up with us and will stay the night. He joined in the crying session they all had as we had a rather solemn but teary burial of the hamster.

Warning to parents: For those of you who haven’t, don’t pick up a rather evil hamster, befriend it and tame it, and then let it or rather let your children become totally attached to it. Because then it will slowly die, right in front of their sad little eyes. Yes, last night was just a riot.

On a lighter note: I approached my dad and my son some distance from the cabin this weekend, my son had been calling for help. There stood my son, unharmed, way cute in that little helmet, but looking rather mischievous. My dad was questioning him on just how the ATV made it over the rather large log and then into the tree that he had just pulled it out from under. My son had no real believable explanation but after the interrogation, we were unable to rule out excessive speed. Despite my having just increased the throttle limiter screw. Then, after my Dad tells me he also pulled my son out of the tree, he looks at me and says with a really proud smile, “Dad. I flew!”

Fej

We're back anyway.

2005-06-05T21:07:00.000-06:00

I wish I could say I picked up a 4-wheeler and made it to the cabin without any stress, but I would so be lying my ass off. There was stress. Lot’s of it.

First, I researched kids size ATV’s extensively last week. Looked at a few on Thursday evening and had decided on one by Friday at lunch. That turned into a two-hour + lunch because you apparently can’t just pick out a bike and buy it. No. It’s like buying a car only worse. You get to waste several hours of your life over a kid’s toy, which they pump off a production line like popcorn, haggling over the price. This is ludicrous. This is a damn commodity, you shouldn’t have to bargain over a commodity, and if I offend anyone, sorry but this is just stupid. If you make you living off of this stupid crap, prepare to get a new job if I ever get as rich as Bill Gates because I will put an end to this B.S. deep breaths…

Then, my wife decides to go up this weekend also. She has a lifetime pass to the cabin because of my grandfather. This is fine with me but I just try to make it up at different times than her. She spent a lot of time with him after my grandmother died and he is forever grateful to her for that time. I have no issue with this at all. Unless she tries jumping into bed with me during the middle of the night. That did not go well and I hope that this experience helps her to realize that we are over.

Tonight was fine, up until a little while ago. Our hamster has a problem. It looks really bad and the kids are really sad. The vet doesn’t have an exotic animal doctor in tonight so I might be taking her in tomorrow.

Despite it all, the weekend was okay. The kids loved the ATV, especially my son, who has already learned to do donuts and wiped out a couple times. Yes, I did increase the throttle limiter, but he just got more creative. He’s only six.

Fej

Update: The hamster died just before the kids were supposed to go to sleep. It was teary night for all of them and a late one for me.

Gone Again

2005-06-02T21:59:00.000-06:00

Damn. This week flew by. I did get to have some unprecedented “me” time, which I then proceeded to completely waste away. That’s okay, it was still nice. Tomorrow, I have to put in a full day of work, find and purchase a 4-wheeler, get my Dad a Father’s Day present, and get out of town by 4:00 PM or so. Not to mention, I need to pack a clean pair of underwear and a toothbrush for the weekend. Oh yeah, I should get some gas too.

I’ll get back to you all on Monday or so. Only four days at that point until Vegas... I’m not prepared for that trip, all. Also, I have to care for a friend's house who lives an hour out of town those four days too. That means another 2 hours or so a day of driving. Like I don’t drive enough already. Egad, this week went by so fast.

Fej

2005-06-02T18:52:00.000-06:00

And here is the current status of my once lovely willow tree. I have so much work to do in my yard...

2005-06-02T18:50:00.000-06:00

Yesterday.

2005-06-02T18:48:00.000-06:00

Just a few years ago.

Uncle Fej

2005-06-01T22:15:00.000-06:00

Toys moved. Markers were used. I had to make dinner for people other than myself and my cats. I’m missing a remote. My kids still aren’t here. What happened you ask? I’ll tell you this, if my sister wasn’t such a good sister and hadn’t helped me out a million times before, I would have never agreed to watch her kids tonight. Sigh

I played lumberjack a bit more tonight too. I chopped down and pulled the stump of a once beautiful willow tree in my backyard. It was a fabulous tree, the branches were so thick and hung so low a person could easily hide inside. Then. It died. I thought I killed it with weed and feed but I’ve since learned it was those stupid grubs that also destroyed my lawn. That I’m probably going to get fined for since I haven’t removed any surpluss grass from my yard yet. And I’m out of town for the next two weekends.

My grandfather tasked me with picking up a new motorcycle or four-wheeler for the kids to use at the cabin. I need to do this by Friday afternoon as my dad and I are heading back up to Colorado this weekend. What was supposed to be six days to myself (well I still had to go to work), turned into four, and then three minus tonight. Which leaves just tomorrow night left. Oh well, I'm off to Vegas the weekend after, I can live vicariously through myself then possibly.

Fej

Odd...

2005-05-31T20:52:00.000-06:00

I’ve noticed that the remote controls, all three, have not left the coffee table, not even to hide deep within the recesses of the couch as they have a tendency to do, all by themselves. Not one single cup has mysteriously appeared on said table either, that doesn’t belong to anyone in our household oddly enough. Not one spec of cereal, no half-eaten sandwiches, no crumbs at all have showed up around the house. Not even a plate of waffles upside down and stuck to the carpet.

There aren’t even scads of scribbled drawings showing up on paper that seems to come out of nowhere, nothing on the chalkboard has changed in the last 15 minutes much less the entire weekend. Even the most favored canvas of all, the bedroom door to the smaller room, has not had additional works added to it.

I haven’t heard a door slam in so long I think I’ve forgotten what it sounds like. No ear piercing screams followed by sudden “thwacks!”. Not even the wailing and sobbing that always follows the “thwacks!”. And most startling of all, I’ve finally come to the realization that no: toys do not move themselves from the bedrooms to the middle of the living room, kitchen, dining room, hall, bathrooms, my bedroom, my bed, my closet, my underwear drawer. Nope, not a one has moved in the last two days.

You are thinking that I’m missing my kids at this point… Wrong! Maybe tomorrow.

Fej

2005-05-30T19:02:00.000-06:00

The river is usually half this size. We roasted marshmallows last year just a few feet left of the center of this photo.